WARNING: if you are going to judge me and my lack of happiness today, please read no further.
today was a hard day. emma's blood sugar numbers weren't horrific or anything...they were ok for the most part....simply ok...not spectacular...just ok. it was hard for other reasons relating to diabetes. i'm tired. i'm tired of feeling like a broken record. i'm tired of being tired. i'm tired of advocating. i'm tired of living in the land of numbers. carbs. blood sugars. time. i'm tired of staying up to make sure my kid will live through the night. i'm tired of my own voice sometimes. im tired of doctors. hospitals. insulin. pancreas. questions. loss. tired of trying to make people get it who will never get it. because they don't care. im tired of trying to make people care. im tired of thinking about fundraising. im tired of waiting for a cure. im tired of asking for help. im tired of feeling guilty for asking for help. im tired of the chaos that goes on inside my head. im tired of the noise. im tired of the effort it takes to slap that smile up on my face. im tired of pretending that im ok. im tired of making excuses for others inability to take this disease seriously. im tired of telling them its ok....i understand...you are busy too...im tired of being brushed off. im tired of faking it till i make it. im tired of forcing myself to accept this. im tired of pretending that it is all ok. that it will all be ok. im tired of judgement. im tired of feeling like i dont have the right to be mad once and a while..i believe i've earned that right. im tired of the expectations. im tired of ignorance. im tired of those that try to one up others. im tired of the elitist attitude of others. im tired of not being accepted in some cases. im tired of praying. im tired of the judgement. im tired of the judgement. im tired of the judgement. im tired of hoping. im tired of diabetes. im tired of the ignorance. im tired of the ignorance. im tired of the ignorance. im tired of being tired.
i just don't want to do it anymore.
absolutely. i get you. im tired of it all too. and mostly, tired of being so freaking tired, and being so tired when people say how are you? i say, oh, tired. and im tired of saying that !
ReplyDeleteBIG HUGS.
Me too, "tired". Love to you sweet Amy. I can really relate to the "faking it 'til making it part"...I am notorious for that...to a fault. Only people who read my blog know the depth of my feelings re: "D".
ReplyDeleteHUGS. Yup, tired here too. Just had this very same conversation with my husband last night. In fact, I think I used the word "tired" almost 100 times in the span of 5 minutes.
ReplyDeleteIt sucks. I hate it. And I hate that you're feeling this way too.
big fat butt draggin over here, too!
ReplyDeletetotally with you on the tired of the judgement...really feeling that right now, whether it's real or just in my head, it sucks just the same.
I think we need a D-mom designated nap time...and someone needs to tell D it must behave while we snooze! a girl can dream...if she ever gets to sleep, that is!
hang in there! *HUGS*big fat butt draggin over here, too!
totally with you on the tired of the judgement...really feeling that right now, whether it's real or just in my head, it sucks just the same.
I think we need a D-mom designated nap time...and someone needs to tell D it must behave while we snooze! a girl can dream...if she ever gets to sleep, that is!
hang in there! *HUGS*
I get it Ames, I'm tired of it all too and keep thinking this is just a nightmare and I'll wake up and everything will be fine, but it won't! (Wishful thinking or denial) I am plain tired of my new normal life! We need to plan a vacay somewhere without kids and hubbies and go see a concert and just forget about how tired we are. I too am tired of putting on a brave face when my insides are shaken to the core. Love you warrior mom xoxo
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