Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Standing at a crossroads

So the first day of 2nd grade went pretty well thankfully. Emma's blood sugar #'s stayed good all day...until she walked out the door as the bell rang this afternoon. I was standing there chatting with some parents and expecting her to come running out full force smiling like her usual self and talking a mile a minute about her day. Instead I stood there watching the kids walk out the doors and caught sight of Emma...her face was pale...dark circles under her eyes...she was trudging along towards me...no smile in sight. I knew instantly...she was low. I didn't even bother checking her actual blood sugar with the meter...instead I pulled out my packet of fruit snacks and handed her 3/4 of the contents. My stomach was in knots standing there wondering how long she had been low...how low she had gotten...how she had not mentioned it to the teacher because she hadn't felt low...how the teacher hadn't noticed anything wrong or suspicious on her appearance. To make a long story short, she was ok...as we walked home once she finished her fruit snack, I checked her and she was still low...which sent a pang of fear once again coursing through my heart wondering just how low she had actually been.
Anyway, I've once again lowered her basals and insulin to carb ratios and hopefully I can avoid any problems tomorrow. I've got a plan of action in my mind...I talked to the teacher on the phone and asked her to get Emma to do an extra afternoon BG check just before school gets out to make sure all is good. I will also be talking to Emma about how when she tests herself if it is a number on the lower end of target...that she needs to recognize that it could very well drop...or already BE dropping at that point, so she needs to check again after eating to make sure things are moving up.
I'm finding this year to be sort of a turning point for us. It's our 4th school year with diabetes. We are by no means experts (who is really?). Emma is now 7 years old and is more mature, more responsible, and more aware of how her body acts. I feel like I am standing at a crossroads though. I look to my left and it is a twisted and windy gravel highway...I can't see around the corner...I can't see what's ahead...it makes me nervous. It's seems scary and makes me feel lost and worried. I look to my right and I see the old familiar, paved, straight through, well-lit neighbourhood road. The same road that I have been travelling on daily for the past three years. It's familiar...it's not easy to see what's ahead all the time...but it's comforting and what I am used to. I'm standing there trying to decide which way to turn. I want to hang a right and keep going on our normal route. I want to stick with what I know...but I can't...I know it's not the right decision...I know that I need to take a chance on hanging a left. I need to pull up my big girl panties and take a leap of faith and put on my left turn signal and just go. I need to let Emma have more responsibility in her diabetes. I need to teach her more of the things I just do...the things that are almost like instinct to me now. I need to let her help me hold the steering wheel. I need to to let her be my co-pilot on this journey. It's hard to think of things like this. I know it's the right thing to do. I know I can trust her with more. She's a smart girl...responsible...more than capable. I need to wrap my head around the fact that she is no longer that little 4 year old girl afraid of needles and never really sure of when she is low.
I would by no means ever force her or make her manage her diabetes on her own at this age...she is only 7...but I think it's time to turn left and give her a little bit more...trust, responsibility, and knowledge. As I am writing this, I'm actually sitting here smiling thinking about how nice it will be to have her sometimes sitting in the front seat with me on this ride...instead of way in the back. It will be nice to think of her and I as more of a team than ever before in managing this. I think we need some team jerseys.


  1. She's going to do so well with a little more knowledge and responsibility! Just you wait and see! :)

  2. Boy...it is hard ... the "independence" thing. I have been on the journey with Joe for awhile. There are times I feel it is going well...there are times I feel I am fucking up. No matter...we do need to teach them how to care for themselves as they are ready. You and Emma will be wonderful co-pilots. xo