Well, it's that time of year again...the night before school starts to be exact. This will be our 4th year doing this with diabetes along for the ride. Junior kindergarten was insane and I can't believe I made it through that period of time...Emma was diagnosed just two months before starting school that year. Thankfully the teacher was amazing and we learned right along with her. Senior kindergarten was probably the easiest by far because Emma had the exact same teacher! She knew Emma...she knew the ins and outs of diabetes...she knew what Emma looked like when she was low and she knew what to do to manage it. First grade was a bit scary because it was a new teacher and we had to start from square one in teaching her about diabetes. She turned out to be fantastic though and she played a huge role in helping me make the decision to start Emma on the pump last May instead of waiting until school got out for the summer to start. That brings us to 2nd grade...tomorrow. Once again I am feeling those old familiar scared and worried feelings. I know we all go through it...the fear of kissing our kids goodbye in the morning and praying that it won't be the last time we ever kiss them. Telling them we love them and to have a good day..watching them run off to join their friends in line as they giggle and chat about what they did over the summer. Staring at their sweet faces and having that inner plea/begging/coversation with God (or whoever you believe in) to please keep them safe, no lows, no major catastrophes, to keep them alive...so we can see their beautiful faces once again at the end of the school day. I have lived through some pretty difficult things in my life...stressful things...things that have frightened me to the core of my being...but I can honestly say that there is really no fear that compares to sending your diabetic kid off to school that first day. Handing them over to a virtual stranger and hoping that you have instructed them well enough...sent along enough information sheets...educated them enough about the disease so that they will know what to do...what to keep an eye out for...to keep your kid alive for the day. It makes my heart hurt. It makes every bone in my body ache. It makes my head swim with thoughts of the worst case scenarios and what I can do to prevent them or fix them if they occur. It's hard to be a parent. No one tells you that when you are young and in love and want to create a family of your very own.
It's even harder to parent a child with type 1 diabetes. Aside from the day to day battles and worries...it's the fear that threatens to take over my whole spirit if I let it.
Here's to a good first day with no lows...no emergencies...no issues. Here's to a good first day with diabetes taking a back seat and hanging out in the corner wearing the dunce cap and leaving my kid alone to enjoy a special moment in her life...just like the rest of her class...a good first day of 2nd grade.
Here's to me waking up on time and not making her late for said first day of 2nd grade too. :o)