I find myself thinking about the day a cure is found a lot these days. I don't know why really...I mean it's not like we are new to this necessarily...I've had a considerable amount of time to get this straight in my head...the whole patience thing...waiting...hoping...praying. Every so often though I do find that the thought of that day will creep it's way into my mind. I imagine myself sitting at home watching TV and hearing the news. I imagine sprinting to Emma's school to tell her. I imagine scooping her up in my arms and twirling her around and around not caring about the dizziness...feeling the layers of stress and anxiety fall off of my shoulders with each spin around. I imagine falling to the ground with her still in my arms as the world continues to spin by. I hold her face in my shaking hands and see the tears of pure and total joy falling from her eyes...I see the relief...the feeling of "FINALLY" wash over her in waves. I see my own face in her eyes...my tear streaked cheeks...bright red...flushed from the realization that this is finally here...the thing which I have dreamed about every single day and night...prayed for in the wee hours of the morning as I battled the unwelcome monster that moved in 3 years ago...the thing I have begged for with tears of anger and frustration in my eyes as I laid next to her during one illness or another. I see us looking at each other for the very first time...knowing it's over...knowing that we made it...we did it...we were more brave and more strong than we ever imagined we could be...we are better human beings for having fought this. We know what it's like...we know how it feels to not have a guarantee that we will see each other in the morning...we know how it feels to drag along all of the excess baggage (literal AND emotional) that is diabetes...we know how precious each moment is...not very many people are lucky enough to have that knowledge...to know how that feels...that will never leave us.
I can't wait to experience that day in the real reality of our lives. I can't wait for it to come true and occur instead of remain trapped inside my head taunting me...shouting at me from the sidelines that it's just a pipe dream...it's a nice dream...a nice scenario...but that is all it is...it will never happen in reality. Sometimes I feel like it's so close...so within my grasp that I can almost feel it...I can almost feel that embrace...touch those tears on her cheeks...it's right there...and then I blink and poof...it's gone once again.
Sometimes I stop myself from thinking of this dream...because it hurts too much when the reality sets back in. Sometimes I like to think of it anyway though...maybe I'm a glutton for punishment? Or maybe I'm just preparing myself for that day...preparing my heart...so that I will be able to handle the overload of joy and relief and actually live in the moment...relish it...hold onto it and never let go.
Either way...no matter how much it hurts to think of it....it's still the best dream I have ever had in my life.