Emotional mixture

Such a mix of emotions today...complete and total admiration and pride in my child for conquering her fears at gymnastics class today. Seeing the grin on her face and the light in her eyes as she came running towards me after class...sweaty, red faced, and shouting that she did it! I am in awe of what our diabetic kids do every day. It's incredible...they are made and wired differently than the average person...they have this deep fire in their belly that makes them fighters...it makes them strong and more brave than most adults...even when they are unsure and doubting their own abilities to succeed or make it through a difficult time. I am blessed to have the chance to witness this firey light within my own child on a daily basis. I look up to her and admire her. I am in awe of all our d-kiddos. They are amazing.

I am overwhelmingly heartbroken and saddened to hear of yet another loss in the diabetic community this weekend. I'm sure you have all heard about it as well. My heart aches for the mother...I don't know her...have never spoken to her...never met her online....and yet my heart weeps for her loss. Not simply because I know that it could very easily be any one of us in her place, but also because it has got to be the most gut wrenching, torturous, unimaginable pain that any one person could ever have to go through...to lose your own child.

Someone said something to me this week that really got to me. She told me that "many people live with diabetes...so I should dwell on the positive." It bothered me a lot. To all that know me...I mean really truly know me...they know that I am a very positive person. I usually have a smile on my face...i love to laugh. I never talk about diabetes in a negative way around Emma...or really anyone other than my Mom and my husband...and the occasional facebook status when I am having a rough time with things. However there is no denying the fact that a diabetic child could die at any moment...too much insulin, too little insulin, seizures, illnesses, ketones...so many variables. I wonder if people like this person who said this to me really comprehend the magnitude of stress that we as diabetic parents walk around with on our shoulders every minute of every day. I wonder if these same people really understand how much effort it takes to remain positive under all of that stress and worry. I wonder if they know how dark and sad and full of negativity and despair I could be if I let my guard down for one second and my attempt at positivity falters. Until you walk a mile in someone elses shoes...