This morning I went to the hospital for my first training session on the pump. I was very excited and ready to learn everything as quickly as possible so we can get a move on and get Emma going on this. I like to be prepared. I like to know the ins and outs of everything new and have way more information than I will probably ever need to know. I've learned over the years that the best way for me to learn things though is through day to day events. I learn better through hands on experience and dealing with things as they happen. Diabetes has taught me that there really is NO possible way to know everything about it. We are now almost 3 years into living with this disease and I am still learning. So I'm trying not to get too wrapped up in the little things...trying to not let myself be overwhelmed by the little details. In any case, I dropped Emma off at school and made my way to the hospital. I was a little worried about her because she has been fighting a cold for the past 5 days or so and I always get paranoid that a simple cold will turn into something worse like the last time she was ill. Anyway, off I went to learn and have the pump hooked up to me with saline in it so I could practice "hands on." It went really well actually! With each day that passes since Emma decided that she was ready for the pump, I am becoming more and more impressed with it. I am seeing how things will be better. I am seeing how this device will make our lives easier. I am seeing how it is going to give my daughter some of her life back. This tool...our newest and most powerful tool will give her the chance to be a kid again. Granted she won't be "just like her other friends" who happen to NOT have diabetes...but for now, it is about as close as we can get...and I'm ok with that.
When I left the hospital to go get her for lunch, I drove along to her school with a big stupid grin on my face. I'm sure I looked like the biggest nerd to the cars that pulled up next to me at a red light...but I don't care...I haven't been this happy in almost 3 years. I feel like I am slowly but surely gaining things back...I'm clawing my way up that mountain and regaining some of the control that I lost so long ago. As soon as Emma walked up to me in the hallway at school, she asked me where the pump was...I lifted up my shirt slightly and showed her that I was now locked and loaded ready to go. She looked miffed and said to me that she didn't want me to wear HER pump....lolol...I love that. I love that she already is taking ownership of it and liking it so much. She also told me that I wasn't fashionable enough to wear her pump....lolol...but that's a whole different story!
Anyway, I just wanted to write this to express how much I love this thing...this little device that runs on a AA battery...this thing that will be helping me keep my daughter alive and healthy enough while we wait for that cure. It's coming...I know deep within my heart that it's coming...but in the meantime, I am ok with allowing myself to be happy with this.