Being the parent of a diabetic kid means that you need to be a lot of things. One thing that I have learned over the years that you really need to have is endurance. There are no breaks from diabetes. There are no vacations. It's always there. It keeps you on your toes and forces you to make your best attempt at seeing into the future on a daily basis. Guessing how a certain activity will affect blood sugars hours from now, guessing how a certain food will affect your child hours later, etc. I never really considered myself to be one of those people with a lot of endurance. I remember back in high school we had to run a mile once a year in gym class. It was timed and was part of our grade. I was never a fan of long distance running really...I much preferred sprints. In any case, there I was every year...lined up with the rest of my class anticipating the mile ahead. It was a hot late spring day...the gym doors were open to let in some air...the track looked enormous. It looked like it would take a lifetime to run around it for the total mile. I was one of those people who would start out fast and try to get ahead of the boys so I could just get it finished and over with as soon as possible because I hated it! Well, needless to say...I didn't pace myself and I would wind up struggling the last half.
I think of that memory a lot when I am having a rough diabetes day with Emma. I think about how I need to pace myself...i need to have endurance to make it through the difficult times. I can't run full out, feet pounding the floor, lungs burning....I need to control my steps...keep a pace slow and steady.
This weekend Emma has a cold. Just your run of the mill average ordinary common cold. Well, it is totally and completely wreaking havoc on her blood sugar numbers! They have been insanely high to the point of making me feel like I must just be injecting her with water instead of insulin. On a normal day, Emma has to get 4 needles total. Well, today she needed 8!! Yea...it's a little frustrating to say the least. No ketones though thankfully! Anyway, I had to dig deep today and practice my skills in endurance. I don't know if the rest of you do this...but I tend to have little conversations/arguments with myself in my own head. Yea...I'm not crazy...at least not in the "medically insane" sense of the word! All day long I was arguing with myself...checking blood sugars...cursing the high numbers in my head...mentally picturing myself taking the meter out to the driveway and backing the car up over it to smash the cursed thing for telling me such crappy numbers! I held it together though. I just kept plugging along...checking...giving extra needles...checking ketones...over and over and over all day and night. I kept a good pace...I didn't freak out and panic...I didn't get angry (much) and curse and yell...I just kept putting one foot in front of the other...breathing in and out...fixing the current number and not worrying about what was ahead. I just kept my head down and focused on the steps in front of me...the number I was currently dealt. Endurance is not an easy thing to aquire. It's not a trait that everyone has. It really has become a huge part of my existance though since diabetes jumped onto the track with me almost 3 years ago. Diabetes may pull ahead of me on the straight-aways sometimes...I may stumble and fall around the turns...but I will continue to get back up, dust off my snazzy running shorts, adjust my Super Diabetes Momma cape, and keep putting one foot in front of the other. I will catch it....I will keep moving...keep focusing on the steps in front of me. I will catch up to diabetes and i will stick my tongue out at it and give it the finger as I steadily run by passing it on the outside to cross the finish line.