Today was the last day left of Christmas break from school for Emma and we got in every last minute of playtime we could before it's back to the same old routine tomorrow. It was fun and I am definitely going to miss my little buddy tomorrow. I love spending time with her. She makes me laugh and we genuinely have a good time together. It's hard to let her go. It's hard to let her grow up. It's hard to settle it in my mind again that I will have to go back to that old familiar routine and have to trust my daughter's life with her teacher once again. I know the break was only 2 weeks...but it was so easy to slip back into having her around me all the time and being able to see her 24/7. Don't get me wrong, her teacher is absolutely fantastic and Emma really loves her...but it's just not the same as knowing that I am the one looking out for her all day long. Emma will be 7 next month...not a baby anymore by any means. It's an interesting thing to witness...seeing her go from a 4 year old little girl who wasn't able to recognize her lows to an almost 7 year old girl who is able to know when she is low almost every time. From a 4 year old innocent sweetheart who didn't really understand much about what was happening to her in regards to the diabetes other than the fact that she was getting needles and finger pokes all day long...to an almost 7 year old girl who can tell you how many carbs are in her favorite foods, check her own BG, give herself some of her needles, and check herself for ketones. It makes me sad...and yet at the same time very proud of her. Instead of looking at it like I am now putting all of my faith and trust back into her teacher....I should also try to start looking at it like I am putting some of my faith and trust in HER also. She "gets" it...she knows her body probably as good (if not better) than I do. It's a difficult thing to do...to look at my baby girl and put that trust in her. She's still my baby...she always will be. I look at her beautiful little face and I see all of the shadows of what she's endured lying there beneath the surface. I see all of the highs, lows, struggles, and triumphs. I wish I could erase those shadows...I wish I could take them all away and just be able to see the innocence of a little girl. Alas...I can not...so I choose to look at it from a different perspective. I choose to see those shadows beneath the surface as wisdom. The experiences she has been through in the past almost 3 years have all played a role in making her who she is today when I look at her. I love what I see. I love everything about her.
This afternoon is one example of many reasons why I love her. She decided to take some construction paper, string, and markers and made herself a cute looking mask right before we had to leave to get groceries. She put on the mask, her winter hat (which looks like a monkey), and winter coat...and off we went. She wore the mask all thru the store while riding on the back of the cart. Some people stared...others smiled at her and I, one even gave her the thumbs up. She was oblivious to it all...she was just having fun playing make-believe "secret agent spies in the grocery store trying to capture the infamous produce section burglar" or something. I loved it. I love that she could care less what people think of her or what she was wearing or doing. Diabetes has made her stronger. I think it has shown her that she can make it through even the most discouraging struggles...and still come out on the other side wearing a secret agent mask and helping keep the grocery store a safer place. That makes me happy.