There are a few spots in our little corner of the world in which Emma seems to do her best thinking. The back seat of the car, lying in bed before she falls asleep, and in the bath. I've mentioned before that my kid is sort of a chatterbox and I'll admit...sometimes it gets to the point where all it sounds like to me is that "wah wah wah wah" sound that Charlie Brown's teacher makes on the Snoopy cartoons. Yea yea I'm a bad Mommy...I should listen more carefully to what my kid is saying all the time...lolol...but seriously, the girl loves to talk ALL the time! In any case, I have learned in the past almost 7 years that when she is in one of her particular "good thinking" spots...that I need to definitely pay attention, cause she is really needing to unload. She's needing to get all these thoughts out and feelings out and is looking to me for some reassurance.
So, last night while she was sitting in the bath she had something to say. "So, Mommy? When I am a teenager, do you think I will be like my brother and not talk to you or Daddy...and just be boring...and not want to play or do anything?" I have a stepson who is with us every other weekend and he is going to be 13 this April. He's already begun acting like the stereotypical teenager. Anyway, I told Emma that I didn't know how she would be. I told her that I hope she doesn't act that way. I hope that she still would want to talk to me and spend time with us...but I have no idea if that is how it will be. I told her that most teenagers find their parents pretty dorky and get embarassed by them. I did tell her that no matter what...she can't ever stop talking to me about her diabetes. No matter if she thinks I am dorky...or hates being around me...or whatever...she still will ALWAYS have to talk to me about her diabetes. She told me, "Aww Mommy....I will never think you are dorky! I want to talk to you ALL the time!" She is amazing....I love her so much it is just crazy.
Of course i always think about how much I wish she wasn't diabetic. On the other hand though, I am greatful that it has made her and I so close. I don't know if we would be as close if we didn't have to deal with diabetes every day. I can honestly say that I have never felt as connected to someone in my entire life. I know the Mommy/daughter bond is there...but I think diabetes has just made it a million times stronger. She is my world.
Sometimes...when I let my guard down...diabetes slips in like a thief in the night and makes my heart feel like it's being crushed for wanting a cure SO badly. It hurts more than anything I've ever felt. I try to block it out...and usually I can....but once and a while, it slips in and hurts as bad as it did that first day when I had to tell her she was diabetic.
Maybe there will be a cure before she's actually a teenager...then we can just live the normal fun-filled life with a teenager. Now there's something to hope for!!