Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Enough is enough already

We had to go get blood work done today for Emma's annual clinic appointment. I somehow managed to weasle my way out of getting the extra bloodwork done at her last regular clinic appointment...but no such luck this time. I knew as soon as the receptionist brought it up that I was going to be in for a brutal morning. To say Emma hates getting blood taken out of her arm would be an understatement. She usually is able to sweet talk the blood lady into just taking it out of her finger instead. Well, seeing as how the ANNUAL clinic bloodwork requires more blood as well as a pee test....there was no sweet talking. No cute faces, no pouty lip, no puppy dog eyes, no tears were going to stop this lady from jamming a needle in her arm this time. Emma even tried to make a break for it and run out of the room as soon as she realized that it was coming out of her arm this time. I hate this disease. I hate seeing my kid stressed to the max and panicked. I hate what it does to her. I hate what the stress and tears do to her blood sugars. I would trade places with her in a heartbeat. I wish I could give her my pancreas. She screams and cries and thrashes about like the poor blood lady is trying to murder her. She looks at me like she is wondering why I am allowing this to happen to her. Like why the hell am I not saving her? Why the hell am I not scooping her up and running out the front door of that damn hospital and taking her to safety? How could I be letting this go on? How come I am not saving her? I am not writing this in the hopes of getting any sympathy whatsoever (is that one word or 2?) I am writing this in the hopes that people who don't live this stupid diabetes life will get a glimpse into what our kids go through. I am hoping that at least one of you out there will realize how important it is to find a cure. How much it would mean to me. How much it would mean to my kid. How much it would mean to all of the millions of other people out there living with this disease. We need a cure now. I can't handle seeing my kid look at me like that ANY MORE! Yet another piece of my heart broke off today in that room at the hospital. Diabetes keeps taking and taking and taking. It is relentless and sometimes on days like today, i feel like I just don't have enough fight or strength or hootspa left in me to fight back. It is too hard to be strong anymore. I hate it and I just want to be done with it. We have put in our time already...almost 3 years is enough!! It is like a jail term that is never ending and we never even committed any crime to deserve this sentence. I just want to be paroled already. I deserve it. My kid most definitely deserves it. F - U Diabetes!!


  1. I think whatsoever is three words: what so ever. Just kidding, you got it right. On the bright side, if there is a long term one to this, we all need bloodwork and flu shots regularly throughout our life, by the time your daughter is older she'll have no fear of needles. You're a good Mom and in her 7 year old brain she knows she's lucky to have you even when you let people stick needles in her arm.

  2. My D kiddo is super afraid of blood draws and non-D related shots...go figure! I swear getting them their flu shots sounded like they were being tortured!! But I agree, I am ready for this to be over, ready for a cure!