Well, the day has come and gone...we held our 3rd annual hot chocolate sale fundraiser for JDRF. I could not be more proud of Emma!! She raised $932.07 this year!! I know I have said it before, but I am truly so greatful for all of the support we got from friends and family. I am so lucky to have all of you in my life and you make it easy for me to teach Emma that there really are good people out there in the world that she can count on.
As I sit here though thinking about the day...I have a lot of other feelings going on too. While I was standing there behind the table talking to customers and friends, it sort of felt surreal to me. Even though we are 2 and a half years into diabetes, I still sometimes get that feeling of disbelief...like this can not be our lives. We can't possibly be the ones dealing with this day in and day out. It doesn't happen often...but sometimes I still feel like this is all just a bad dream and I will wake up at any minute and start crying with relief when I realize that it isn't true. Like all of the horribly stressful things we have gone through for this long are really just the result of eating some bad mexican food before bed time causing some majorly vivid nightmares. Standing out there today I would watch people read our sign and walk right on by. I even saw a man leave the store after buying a brand new blood sugar meter and just walk right by our table....no second glance...nothing. I watched these people walk into and out of the store...some of them with kids...and I wondered what goes on in their heads. What is it like in their family? Do they even realize how important it is to help each other out? Would they think any differently if it was themselves or their child dealing with this? For that matter...would I act just like them if Emma wasn't diabetic? Would I stop and at least look at what was going on? Would I even care? I can honestly say that I don't know the answers to these questions. I would like to think that I would....but I can't say for sure. Diabetes has changed me...it's changed my entire being...it's changed my heart. I have always been the type to want to take care of others before myself...and i think diabetes has just elevated that part of me.
I want a cure for diabetes. I have never wanted something more in my life. I want it so bad that it hurts...it hurts my heart and brings tears to my eyes. I want to wake up from this nightmare and start our lives over. I can't believe I am sitting here thinking of these sad things after having such a great positive day. What the hell is wrong with me? Ugh...I am such a loser sometimes. In any case, I am so thankful for everyone who came out and helped us. It really does mean the world to me. Thank you!!!