Freedom!!

It was a beautiful sunny Sunday today. I took Emma to the park and as usual when we arrived I checked her blood sugar to make sure we were dealing with an ok number to go off and play. Well, as the usual life with diabetes goes...so very unpredictable!...she was high. I couldn't understand why...she had just gotten a bolus for a snack before we left...she isn't ill...nothing was bothering her. UGH. So I gave her a correction and off she went to play. I happened to be standing next to her on the monkey bar play structure thing and glanced over at her as she was reaching up to grab the bar...and I noticed a TON of bubbles in her tubing....the reason for the high blood sugar! So....I did what had to be done...I got her to unplug from her site, which involved undoing her pants and pulling them down a bit because the site was actually in her thigh today. She was not pleased to say the least. As soon as she handed it over to me though, she took off running to go swing from the bars on the other side...all the while yelling, "FREEDOM!" At first I found myself giggling at the site of her...and then I felt that all too familiar pang of sadness and hurt and loss in my heart. It caught me off guard and took my breath away. I stood there holding in my hands the device that keeps my child alive everyday...and I wanted to just throw it across the field. I wanted to be rid of it. I wanted to not have to see her always have this "weight" attached to her anymore. I wanted her to run free...to play...to leave it all behind. Then in an instant I was snapped back to reality...this is our life...this is her life...diabetes is a part of us...and it always will be until a cure is found. I held the pump in my hands and as I primed the bubbles out of it...I cursed it for having to be with us....but I thanked it for being with us...for helping me...for keeping Emma alive...for making our life a little less different and giving her a whole lot more freedom....real freedom.