The other day I asked Emma what her blood sugar was that morning because Shawn had gotten up with her and for some reason he never remembers to write it down in her logbook...which is fine...i'm not complaining...at least he will get up with her when hes not working and I get to sleep in...i love days like that. So, anyway...I asked her what it was and she replied with, "what is YOUR number Mommy?" in a voice so eerily similar to my usual sarcastic tone, that it made me burst out laughing.
It really got me thinking though...do I ask her that too much? Is there such a thing as asking that too much? The poor kid must get so sick and tired of the number...she hears it at school from her teacher...she hears it at home from us...it never leaves her. I wonder if I am causing her to build up a resentment towards those numbers or even towards her diabetes? Or am I showing her the importance of keeping track of her BG readings and paying attention to what they actually are? Showing her that it's not just an annoying number that she has to keep track of because it's part of the routine or because Mommy and Daddy are gonna ask later....but more so that it is more than just a number...it's a clue as to what is going on inside her body at that moment in time...a piece to the diabetes puzzle that she must hold onto. It's a middle piece to the puzzle I think as well...not just one of those easy corner or end pieces that have at least one straight edge on them making it easier on you to get started on the big picture. It's a piece that when placed in the correct spot will help you tremendously...it will help you see the big picture...the other pieces will all start to fall into place once you begin to build around that number.
Sometimes I wish that I had a crystal ball where I could see into the future and find out if the things I am teaching her now about her diabetes management are going to help her or harm her when she is on her own. I wish I could know if I am going about things the right way. When you walk out of the hospital doors that first day after diagnosis, they don't hand over a manual to help you. Sure they give you all the basic information about carbs, ratios, basals, etc....but they don't tell you all of the little things that you will come across. They don't tell you about those moments where you will question yourself and doubt yourself and look at your child and wonder if you are causing them psychological damage by the things you talk about with them or teach them about. They just kind of load you down with papers and shove you out the door...so long...see ya later...good luck with all that!
I guess I will never know if I'm doing it right until the future time comes to pass. Maybe I will never know? Maybe she will be just fine...maybe she will be as well-adjusted as any other kid her age...maybe, maybe not...For now I'm just gonna sit here and cross my fingers that my gut instinct and my heart is leading me down the right path...and I will try to be more mindful about how often I ask her certain questions.