I just wanted to dedicate this post to all of you...my friends of the DOC...you are more than just friends to me actually...you are my 2nd family. I was in a pretty dark low place yesterday. I was so far gone...sad, angry, frustrated beyond all belief, hopeless, and feeling like I wasn't going to be able to climb my way back into the light again. In fact, I couldn't really even see a glimmer of that light anymore at all...it was bad. I am not normally a person prone to depression or really any type of extended sadness...so it was a big shock to my system. I think the fact that I was on the infamous roller coaster that is diabetes and running on little to no sleep probably didn't help matters much either.
If felt good to get that last post off my chest. It gave me a bit of relief to just let those cursed tears fall onto the keyboard...letting all of the poison hate and anger towards diabetes pour out of my exhausted brain and onto here. I needed that. It helped.
Then I woke up this morning and read all of your comments. Believe it or not, I was actually at a loss for words. Aside from one weirdo that I do not know saying something about diabetes being an injectible steroid (WTF?? lolol)...all of your comments brought tears to my eyes. Lora- I absolutely agree with that quote...I try to plaster that smile on my face and laugh things off on a daily basis. Thank you for making me giggle at your comment about your grammer too...lolol. Meri- thank you for the encouragement. I have read many of your posts and I am in complete awe of you. I think you are an incredible person for how you manage to not only take care of your 3 T1's and the rest of your family, but you do it with such a wonderful attitude and humour. Tracy-thank you for reminding me that better days will come and that Emma really is worth all of the effort and more.Valerie- thank you for the support and for making me remember that I am not alone in this. You give me such hope that Emma will have a bright amazing future as she grows up. Denise (Bean's Momma!) I could hardly see thru the tears when I read what you wrote about all of you reaching to help me back up...that definitely got me. you are incredible and I am so greatful to have you as a friend. I love ya! Denise (Bryce's Momma!) thank you also for the support and for always being there with an encouraging word. Reyna- You are an inspiration to me...you make me laugh, you make me cry, you make me feel like I belong somewhere...for that I will forever be greatful. I love ya!! Wendy- It was difficult to see thru the tears while reading your comment as well. It definitely hit home for me...reminding me that I will never be judged here, I am not alone in how I feel, and most of all that I need to go easier on myself and not let the dark days get the best of me. Joanne- You know I love ya my fellow Canadian! Thank you for the same same and for the hugs.
Today was a MUCH better day thanks to a few hours sleep, a site change resulting in better numbers, me figuring out that the crazy hot weather has been making the insulin in Emma's reservoir get too warm and not be as affective by the end of day 2, and the simple things in life...going to the Dollar Store with Emma and buying a balloon animal making kit and actually figuring it out and making my very first dog balloon animal for Emma. Most of all though....the reason my day was better and I am back in the light again...brighter days again....is because of you. Thank you.