I got an email today asking for my information to send me a proof copy of my book. I'm beyond excited. I can't wait to get it in the mail and hold it in my hands and see my name on the cover. I can't wait to see it. I'm also a bit nervous. I have never had the greatest self confidence when it comes to things I do as far as writing or any artwork I've done. I'm not sure why...I've just always been that way. I LOVE to write, paint, and draw. I love anything creative. I get this nervous feeling in my gut though that whoever will read the book will think it is awful or they will think I am just some hopeless dreamer Mom out there who doesn't make any sense. I guess I will have to work on that part of myself. I will try to be more confident.
Anyway, it's been a while since I've actually finished writing it...so to get that email today, it got me thinking about how it felt starting out. How it felt to bring myself back to that time in our lives. How scared i was and how overwhelming every little thing seemed. Hell, even brushing my teeth seemed like an enormous task those first couple of days.
Then this afternoon while Emma and I were out running some errands (i.e. spending her piggy bank money on some Smurf toys...she's obsessed I tell ya! She walks around the house telling me that she thinks she saw a Smurf hiding out in the freezer or behind the bedroom door. It''s pretty cute), I heard the song "Walk" by the Foo Fighters come on the radio. I have always been a Foo Fighters fan. First of all, I love the name (who wouldn't like to fight a little Foo now and again?!), and second of all I love the music. Hearing this song sort of turned out to be one of those "ahhhh....this fits" moments for me today. Emma and I were singing our hearts out right along with Dave Grohl and I actually was paying attention to the lyrics and realizing how appropriate they were for me. It brought me right back to that day....Day 1 of diabetes. This line in particular struck me and brought those all too familiar tears stinging in my eyes...."For the very first time. Don't you pay no mind. Set me free again.You keep alive a moment at a time. But still inside a whisper to a riot. To sacrifice but knowing to survive. The first to find another state of mind. I'm on my knees, I'm praying for a sign. Forever, whenever" I love it. I love this song. I love how it got to me and just fit...all while I was just driving along doing normal every day things.
There have been countless days since that first day with diabetes that have made me feel the "whisper to a riot" going on inside my heart and my head. There have been just as many moments where I felt like I just couldn't handle a single bit more, and then it dawns on me to focus on "keep(ing) alive a moment at a time." Since that first day, we are in fact "learning to walk again." This song fits me. I love when that happens.
If you care to have a listen, here is the link to it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PkcfQtibmU The first little bit of this video makes me giggle too with the whole stuck in traffic bit...I have so been there.