We had a scary situation at the store today...a low that could have turned bad VERY quickly. Like always, when things like this occur I sort of feel like there are all of these thoughts crashing around in my head...thoughts that are sad, scary, depressing, lonely, angry, and always overwhelming.
Diabetes doesn't care if you are out shopping at the store. It doesn't care if you just have to run in really quick and grab a few things. Diabetes doesn't care if you are stuck waiting in the checkout line behind someone who appears to have bought out the entire store and has decided to pay for it all in pennies. Diabetes doesn't care if you have already given your type 1 kiddo ALL of the snacks and juice you have packed in your bag-o-diabetes stuff, your purse, shoved into your coat pockets, or even in that space in between the lining of your coat that you always seem to find that package of fruit snacks sliding over into because your pocket actually is ripped and you have yet to sew it because you are too tired. Diabetes doesn't care if you have had 4 hours sleep the night before, 2 hours sleep, or even no sleep at all. It doesn't care if you have a cold, if your type 1 has a cold, or if you both have the world's worst stomach virus ever and it drains all of your energy to even lift your head up off the floor to go and test her blood sugar and make sure she is still alive...still breathing. Diabetes doesn't care if you are trying to fix dinner, do the dishes, help with homework, and prepare an insulin pump site change all at once. It just doesn't care. Diabetes doesn't care if you have researched and counted the carbs on the food she is about to eat while out at a restaurant. It doesn't care if you are out enjoying the day sledding, playing a board game, or out at the movie theater. It doesn't care if you are at the mall, at school, at work, or simply sitting on your couch at home. Diabetes doesn't care if you have been doing this for 1 day or 75 years. It doesn't care if you are awake or fast asleep in the safety of your own bed. It doesn't care if you are home alone or in a crowded concert hall. Diabetes doesn't care if you think you have all your basal rates, insulin to carb ratios, or insulin sensitivity factors set perfectly. It doesn't care if you just put a new vial of insulin in your pump. It doesn't care if you are on your last infusion set for your pump. Diabetes doesn't care if you are rich or poor...beautiful or ugly...happy or sad...loved or loathed. It doesn't care if you have brown hair, blonde hair, or no hair at all. It doesn't care if you are tall or short...fat or thin...old or young. Diabetes doesn't care how much or how little time you or your parent spends worrying, stressing, or panicking about it. It doesn't care how many tears you or your parents shed because of it. It doesn't care how you try to live your life as normal as possible. It doesn't care that you flourish in spite of it. It just doesn't care.
Diabetes just does not care at all.
Diabetes has it's own agenda...it's own plan...
Diabetes is a cruel unrelenting bastard of a disease that will never leave you alone...it will never give you a break...it will never let you forget that it is there...24/7/365....it's always there. Yes it has taught you many wonderfully beautiful and amazing things that you would probably have never known had it not come into your life...the strength, the bravery, the love, the savoring of each little moment of life. However, it is still there...lurking in the shadows...or screaming and spitting in your face....always there to remind you that diabetes just does not care at all.