So I made a promise to Emma today. I promised her that she would be cured soon. I promised her that her days with diabetes would be over at some point in her lifetime. I promised her that she would not have to live the rest of her life with this stupid disease.
Now I am not one to promise things easily. I do not ever lie to my daughter. I am an honest person by nature. This all came about because I made a slideshow video of her for the Walk for a Cure this year. Naively (is that a word?), I showed it to Emma. There we sat at the computer desk together...watching the pictures of her roll by...reading the captions I posted to them. As I was staring at the computer screen, I heard what I thought to be Emma right beside me giggling at some of the silly pictures of her I put on it. I started giggling with her and turned to look at her face because seeing her giggle and smile always melts my heart. Instead of seeing her gorgeous smile, I saw tears streaming down her beautiful face. I was instantly crushed. Diabetes stole another piece of my heart today. I just sat there holding Emma to me and brushing the hair out of her face...kissing the tears away...trying to restart my heart and breath again. We watched the rest of the video (which I have now posted on here as well), and she told me that she is tired....she just wants a cure already. She's only 7 years old and she's tired of diabetes...of needles, pump talk, insulin, finger pokes...all of it...she's just tired. My sweet girl has been dealing with this disease for nearly 3 years now...and she's tired. I didn't realize the slideshow would affect her like this or else I would never have shown it to her. I never expected it to bring tears...I thought she would giggle at it and get a kick out of seeing all of the funny pictures.
So, here I sit...feeling horrible for showing it to her. Here I sit...wondering how much of my heart is actually left. Wondering if I will be able to keep my promise to her. I suppose that all I can do is hope.
Im right there with you. Missing bits of my pulverised, bleeding, broken, heart. I cried all the way through this post. I hope for a cure in my sons lifetime too. Read over the story of the discovery of insulin with her, perhaps that will inspire you both that all it takes is a 'one day' someone wakes up with a wonderful idea and it gives people a chance at life that they never had before. But next time, a cure, right?
ReplyDeleteBig sigh...Joe is 7 too (almost 8) had it for 4+ years...I am seeing a bit of the wear and tear on him too. I am glad for the heads up on the Walk Video...if I end up doing one, I will be careful and/or prepared when showing him.
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