So, I just can't seem to get in the mood for fundraising for the Walk this year. I don't know why...but I just feel sort of blah about the whole thing. I should be more excited and more into it seeing as how Emma is the youth ambassador this year. I should be working my bum off trying to come up with new ideas for fundraisers. I should be knocking down doors, visiting businesses, asking everyone....but for some reason I'm not. I wish I could snap out of it. I feel like I'm in some sort of funk. I will fully admit that I am probably the world's biggest procrastinator...but I don't feel like I can even blame my lack of enthusiasm on that.
This will be our 3rd time participating in the Walk. I think I am kind of burned out on begging people for money. I'm tired of even asking family members for money to be honest. We have been really blessed in the past with people wanting to help Emma and support her in her fundraisers...but to get to those caring helpful people, it always seems like I have to wade through a mountainous supply of meanies who could care less. For some reason this year, I am finding it hard to even ask people for that help. It's actually starting to make me feel like a bad Mom. I mean, I should totally be out there fighting for a cure every single day. I should be doing everything in my power to help raise as much money as possible for a cure. I should be doing it to help my daughter as well as all of the other diabetics out there......but I just can't get in to it this year. UGH!
It's really frustrating me. I think I just get discouraged and disappointed in the majority of people's reactions...that I feel like I just don't even have the energy to listen to all the "no, I'm sorry...I can't help out with even $5" responses right now. It's draining and it feels like I might as well be banging my head up against the wall instead.
I want a cure. I want it with every single part of me. I want to be able to tell Emma that she doesn't have to live this way anymore. I want other people and other parents to understand. I know it sounds horrible of me, but sometimes I want to tell them "what if it was YOUR kid? would you be so quick to say no then?"....but I bite my tongue....because I wouldn't want to wish this life on anyone. So, instead...I sit here in my funky silence...procrastinating...I need a swift kick in the head I think.