Friday, October 22, 2010

My worst nightmare

A couple of days ago I heard on Facebook of a family who lost their 13 year old daughter to diabetes. I have no words to describe how heartbreaking that is and how sad I feel for that family. I guess that they said their goodnights and off to bed she went perfectly fine. The next morning she was found...gone forever. This is my worst nightmare...the sole reason why I never sleep. Every morning when the alarm goes off, I get up and walk over to Emma's room to wake her up for school or whatever. Every single time I step into her room I hold my breath for a heart skips a beat...and then I see her stir or wake up and I can relax for another morning. I don't know how to describe the sheer panic that washes over me for that split second before I see that she is ok. It is paralyzing...its awful...i hate it. I hate that it is how many of us start our mornings. It drives me nuts that there are people out there who just think that diabetes is only about the food we eat. Every time I hear "just don't let her eat any sugar anymore...she will be fine!" makes me want to scream. I think the general public is greatly uninformed about all that diabetes entails. I suppose it's not their fault...but at the same time it doesn't make it any less maddening for me to come across this ignorance. I don't know what I would do if I ever lost Emma. I know people always say that and it has become sort of a cliche. I honestly think i would die without heart would crumble...I couldn't continue without my girl. She is the reason why i wake up in the morning...the reason why i stay up all hours of the night...she makes me laugh that special kind of laugh that comes right from your toes and takes your breath away...she is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen...I look at her sometimes and I can't even believe that she came from me. I can't believe that such an amazing being came from me. She hasn't let diabetes run her life...she is kind and caring and even at 6 years old, has the ability to think past herself...considers others feelings. She is a good friend. I don't know what I did to deserve someone as special as her...but to say I am greatful just doesn't seem like enough.
My heart aches for that little girl's mother...I hope that she will find strength somehow some way in the days and weeks to follow. I hope that she is able to put her heart back together again. I hope that she will be ok. I hope that she is a stronger woman than I am.


  1. Aww, Amy...hugs. I'm so sorry; i understand. I have the same fears with Allie, and always will. Same frustrations with other peoples' ignorance of type 1, too. Grrrr!

    Hang in're an amazing mom and Emma's an amazing kiddo!


  2. it terrifies me too, Amy. i mean, we do everything we possibly can to keep our kids safe and healthy... and sometimes, (fortunately it's rare), diabetes wins in the end.... in such a horrible, traumatic way. i feel so sad for the family.. i can't even bear to imagine what it would be like for Kaeden.. or Emma, or Liam, or Zach, or any of our precious kids.

  3. thanks you guys! you are both amazing momma's too and i am so lucky to have you as friends. :o)