Thursday, October 14, 2010

Looking over the edge of the cliff

Seeing as how the holidays are coming up...i've decided to try and find some extra work to make some money to help out Santa with his expenses. I have experience in office work, computers, phones, etc. and I also did some house cleaning. I seriously do not know how parents of diabetic kids are able to find work though! I have found one house to clean..but that is only because it is a friend of mine actually. I wish that employers had a bit more understanding when it comes to things like having to leave for an hour during the day to get Emma for lunch and give her insulin. I guess it makes sense why they wouldn't really want to hire someone with so much baggage though. Yet another thing that diabetes has taken from me! Like I said really is the gift that keeps on should say TAKING actually! I guess I am just in one of those "poor me...i friggin hate diabetes" days today. It really makes me wonder what i did in a past life though...i must have been a real jerk to have karma come and bite me this time around. People always say to me..."you know it could be worse! she could have had cancer!" Which ok...i could have been much much worse. But I honestly don't think most people really truly get how much diabetes takes from a family! It's constantly there...wake up in the morning...its there...every meal...its there...every activity..there..every, working, holidays, sleeping,'s there!! You can never escape it, never get away from it, never forget about really makes me feel like i am on the edge of the cliff looking over into insanity sometimes. Do i take a step back and sit down and live in the chaos and unfairness? Or does a strong breeze come by and push me over into the loony bin? Most days I sit down and live in the muddled mess of diabetes because i don't have a choice...i would do anything for my daughter...i would die for her. However...there are definitely some days where i wish for that breeze to come by so I can just live in la la land and forget all about diabetes and how much it has taken from us. I must sound really unstable for saying all of a sense i suppose some of my sanity and stability was taken on june 26, 2008 when Emma was diagnosed. I'm ok don't worry if you are reading this I just needed to get this all out of my head because i am frustrated and would like to be able to make some extra money. And I'm tired.

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