Wednesday, October 6, 2010

grade 1 cashier

I remember when i was a little kid in 1st grade, our teacher asked each of us to draw a picture of what we wanted to be when we grew up. I drew a picture of a teacher. I thought that it would be the greatest job because going to school was so much fun anyway...and to be the teacher meant that you got to write on the chalkboard and do all the extra cool fun stuff. Well, it's obvious that in fact I am not a teacher in the traditional sense of the word. I suppose I do "teach" my daughter and try to show her how to be a good person. I think she is doing pretty good so I am happy about that. I sometimes wonder though what it would be like to be able to lead a "normal" life and have been able to go back to college and gotten a good job and not have had to worry about who would watch emma or who would take care of her diabetes. I sometimes feel like that part of the "normal" world was ripped from me unfairly. I know I's not fair...and I have accepted that. I can't help but wonder though! Raising a child is one of the most important jobs in the world and I am so honored to be able to be that person for Emma. I just hope that one day she will be proud of me even though I didn't do the "normal" thing of going to work and earning a paycheck or being a teacher or doctor or nurse or whatever. I hope that she will think I did a good job teaching her. I hope that she won't think that i failed in life because i never made a great impact in the working world. I guess I just want her to be proud of her mom and grow up knowing that she can be anything she wants and do anything she wants.
I also remember one boy in my 1st grade class that drew a picture of a grocery store cashier for what he wanted to be when he grew up. Putting myself back in the mindset of being 6, I can totally understand why he would want to be a cashier. It would be pretty cool to push all those buttons on the cash register. Well, my teacher actually told him that was a silly thing to be and she made him draw a picture of a football player instead. The little boy told her he wanted to be a cashier, because that's what his mom was. I don't know why I still remember that...but I do. I hope that Emma knows that even if she only wants to be a cashier when she grows up...i will be there to support her.

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