Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Hard habit to break

I am finding something a little hard to deal with lately. Emma is a very sensitive kid...she is very sympathetic towards others and she is always looking to make someone feel better. These are all really good qualities to have I think...but it makes for difficult management of her blood sugar sometimes! For example, just this morning we had a little emotional problem. We drove past her friend Christopher's (from her class) house, and he was walking out his front door heading on his way to school too. We saw though that he had a cast on his foot...poor guy! Apparantly he fractured his ankle last night at the park and has to wear this cast for a couple weeks. My super sensitive daughter was so upset that as soon as she saw him when we drove by, she started crying! She said she felt so bad for him and was going to help him at every recess today if he needed it. AWWW! What a sweetheart she is! However, as her the mom of a diabetic kid, i instantly think in my head..."oh no! please stop crying...don't get upset because it is going to make your blood sugar skyrocket!" I notice that since diabetes...since i have learned actually how her mood affects her blood sugar, i tend to react differently when she gets upset. I wish that I could just put it all out of my head and just comfort her and hug her and tell her it's ok. But instead, i instantly go to trying to make the upset feeling go away so it doesn't affect her blood sugars. I need to get my head around that before I mess her up permamently I think. I need to just let her be emotional or cry if she needs to...I need to let her express that feeling and get it out. I'm always scared that I am teaching her bad behavior that is going to make her need therapy when she's my age...lolol. I don't want her to think that she isn't allowed to cry or be upset or angry about things. I wonder if I am alone in this dilemma sometimes. On the surface it seems like such a small simple thing to worry seems like such an easy fix...such a ridiculous thing to be concerned with. Why do I let it take up space in my head? It's hard to change a pattern of thinking that has actually turned into a habit I guess. I talk big and make it seem like diabetes doesn't define my doesn't define our lives. In reality, I suppose that like it or not...diabetes really does play a part in almost every aspect of our lives...every decision, every occurance, everything. It's always a factor in deciding how I handle things when it comes to my daughter. I wish that I could just remember to always put Emma first...her feelings first, instead of considering the diabetes factor first. I need to remember that she is only 6 years old...she is just a little girl who needs to be consoled instead of trying to just stop the tears as quickly as possible so blood sugars aren't affected. I don't want to sound like I just ignore her and don't comfort her or help her....because that is definitely not the case. I always do that...I always hug her and console her and try to make things better because I love her more than anything. I just want to stop instantly thinking of the diabetes aspect of it first. It's a hard thing for me to do....but I'm trying to change my behaviour...i'm trying to start a new pattern. I'm trying to be a better mom and make sure that i don't totally and completely mess her up by the time she's an adult! I hope I can do it and I hope that she turns out alright...only time will tell I suppose.

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