Hope

There are few words in the English language that can hold many different meanings really. I believe that "hope" is definitely one of them. A person can hope for good weather...a good mark on an exam...for the phone to ring and have that special someone on the other end. A person can hope for their worries to end...for the stresses in their life to ease up...for the light to appear at the end of a long dark tunnel full of hardships and fears. A child can hope to get that certain toy they have been desiring...to be invited to a friends birthday party...to have the chance to stay up past their bedtime.
Hope in my opinion is probably one of the most powerful emotions out there. If you hold it close enough to your heart and have faith that it will carry you through to the end, it can and will do just that. Hope is a thing of beauty. It can lift the weight of the world from your shoulders and help you continue on step after step when everything else around you is trying to make you believe that you can't.
As a D-Mom, I can honestly say that hope has carried me through so many times...so many of those dark scary moments...sitting there at 3:00 in the morning watching my ill fevered sleeping daughter lie there. Hope got me through those times. I could feel the fear of the unknown and the worry for her future threatening to take control of my mind and burning like poison in my heart. Having hope helped wash away that fear and that burning. When Emma was diagnosed, I can't say that I really had much hope. I was ignorant...I knew virtually nothing about type 1 diabetes. I had no hope for a "normal" childhood...I simply had visions of tears, anger, and always having to deprive her of things. As the days passed though and I became more educated, I could feel that hope growing.
Hope is like a warm blanket on a bitterly cold winter night. Comforting...safe...protecting you from all. It is the raw emotions left behind when you feel like all of your courage and bravery and tenacity have left the building.
Hope is there. I have hope. I will always have hope. When all else has failed and I feel like throwing my hands up in defeat....letting diabetes win this round...knocking me to the ground...flat on my face...no energy, no strength, no fight left in me......hope is there....it's always there.
I never really knew the true meaning of hope until Emma was diagnosed. I never knew what it would feel like to want something so badly....to want it with every single fibre of my being...with every single ounce of my heart and soul....to want it more than the air I breathe. I never knew that feeling...and now I do....I want a cure. I have hope for a cure and no one can take that hope away from me.
To live this diabetic life happily takes many things. I think a few of the most important things are strength...strength of mind, body, spirit, and heart. It takes bravery....not just your average "pull up your big girl panties and do it" kind of bravery either....I am talking full out you must do this to live...to continue breathing...to see the next smile...the next day...kind of bravery. It takes perseverance. You must be able to keep going...keep checking...keep adjusting...keep guessing at how the future #'s will play out...keep going one foot in front of the other. Finally I believe it takes hope. You need to have a tremendous amount of hope to live this life.....because when everything else is against you...the #'s, the odds, the world....hope is all you have left to hold on to.
I have hope. I will always have hope.