Wednesday, February 29, 2012

A Stranger and a friend

The world in which we live is full of so many things...such extreme emotions...such extreme desires, wants, overwhelming needs. The world in which we live is so full of hope...and promise...and compassion. There are some things that occur that completely knock me off my feet. The depth with which a single human being can manage to affect someone...or countless numbers of "someones"'s just incredible to me. The beauty that lies within all of us can sometimes take my breath away.
I go about my day doing my usual things...taking care of Emma, attempting to be the best pancreas I can be for her, being there for my friends, my husband, my family. Without a doubt there are things that occur that upset me, anger me, or even sometimes make me feel like I could just throw my hands up in the air and admit defeat. Diabetes is hard. It's a never-ending. It takes everything from you. It forces you to become so in tune with each individual situation, each individual moment, each individual reaction that each individual body shows based on all of these individual things. It boggles my mind sometimes how I am able to get out of bed in the morning and function like a normal human being.
Sometimes I feel sorry for myself...sorry for my daughter. Sometimes I feel jealous of others. Sometimes I feel like this life is too hard and too unfair and if I think about it too hard or too much I slip over into that valley of depression and sit there and cry.
Then I read about other things that people in this world are having to deal with in this moment. Things that I believe would send me spiraling out of control into a fit of tears, rage, and panic. Things that happen to good people...people who are honest and caring and kind. People that are giving and grounded and speak from their heart. People who would be there for you in an instant if you needed them. People who would offer up their shoulder in an instant for you to rest your weary head and not think twice about the tears that are falling from your eyes wetting their sleeve. These horrific situations...scary terrifying mind numbing situations that happen to these good people. People whom I have never met...never spoken to...never even heard the sound of their voice. To say my heart aches for them would be an immense understatement. I read about their days and I find myself sitting here with tears in my eyes. Tears over the unfairness...the truly honest unfairness placed upon their shoulders, but also tears over their display of strength...their declaration of love...the immense power of their hope. It makes my heart swell to know that their are human beings like that out there in the world. It makes the tears fall from my eyes to know that these special souls are parents...they are shouldering this burden together...they are showing these children that the only thing that matters in this life is love....the love you have for each other...the love you show to others...compassion and is an amazing thing.
You have made me realize once again that our moments together on this Earth are fleeting and I can choose to make those moments I am blessed with as powerful, meaningful, loving, and kind. As much as I hate this disease and as much as I let it get to me and become physically and emotionally overwhelming, there is no comparison. Whether you know it or not, even in one of your most frightening are are are making a difference. There are no words available to explain how much I wish and hope and pray for this nightmare of yours to end. You don't know me and I don't know you....but please in this moment know that I am standing right there beside you, holding your hand, lending you my shoulder, and praying for your enormous worries to be gone so that your heart can be light again.

1 comment:

  1. Your blog is one of my favorites. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings in a real and transparent way.