Today is my birthday. I turned the big 35. When I see that number typed out on the screen in front of me...it is hard to believe. It feels like just yesterday I was only 8....and now I have a little girl of my own who will actually be 8 one week from today. 35....when I was little and I pictured myself at 35, I thought it was SO old. I thought that I would be married with a couple of kids and working in some fancy job, living in some fancy house, being some fancy grownup. As the years have flown by though, I have learned that being "fancy" or having "fancy" things is not at all what I want. I could really care less about living in a huge exquisitely decorated house...driving a fancy shiny new car...wearing designer clothes...and having my hair done every couple of weeks by someone named Giuseppe...or Jackee...or Stefania....lol. I have learned that it doesn't really take much to make me happy. A nice long nap...an extra large coffee...a phone call from a friend just to see how I am doing. I guess I have learned that all of those material things...those fancy things...are really just that...things. I don't need "things" to make me smile. I need people who love me for exactly who I am...people who make me laugh...people who care about me...people who take the time to bring me a coffee at the end of the day and wish me a Happy Birthday. That's what I need...people who all on their own will take the time to let me know that they care about me and were thinking of me. That means the world to me.
So, as I sit here enjoying the last few hours of my special day....I can't help but remember all of the birthdays past. When I was about to turn 16, all I wanted in life was my own car...of course a fancy red one...preferably a convertable..in fact I secretly hoped that my parents would get me one and I would wake up in the morning to find it parked in the driveway with a big shiny red bow on the roof of it...just like in the movies. When I turned 18, I was excited to FINALLY be considered an adult. I thought that I knew it all and there was nothing that anyone else could tell me...I had finally arrived and the world needed to look out because I was on a mission to save them all and make the world a shiny happy peace loving place. (I suppose I still harbor some of that 18 year old desire...lol...I still want a happy world full of peaceful loving people...with flowers in there hair and dancing through the meadows in the warm sun...smiles on their faces...sharing and being happy together...lol...don't judge me...I am a hippie at heart I guess!) When I turned 21, i was all about partying....being an adult...drinking as much as I could...just because I could legally go into a bar...or into a store and buy it now. Yea...the novelty has worn off on that front I think....still a fan of the drink...but not like I was at 21. When I turned 27, I was tired...in pain...ready for Emma to be born already. She was due on my birthday and took it upon herself to actually wait it out for another entire week before making an appearance into this world. She started out showcasing the drama...and is still the same way. The girl likes to make an entrance. When i turned 30, I started to panic....I was "getting old"....I worried that my 20's had gone past me in the blink of an eye...and that was it...I was approaching middle age Mom status. I began my search for the infamous "mom jeans" and went shopping for a mini van. I'm kidding of course, I decided to be a rebel and stick with my ripped jeans and SUV.
Now that I am 35, I am starting to be content with who I am as a person. I'm not perfect....far from it in fact. I am too sensitive at times. I take things too personally at times. I let my heart take the lead in many of my life decisions. I love deeply, I am a good friend...I will stick up for those that I love to the ends of the Earth. I will be there for them if they need me...I will be the first to comfort you when you are sad...make you smile and laugh and forget your woes for just a brief moment. I know in my heart that I was put here on this Earth to be a Mom. I was put here to be Emma's Mom. I am supposed to be exactly right where I am today...and I am greatful. I struggle still with wanting things that I do not have in life...not material things though...just life things. I am greatful though for what I have.
The two highlights of this day for me? Waking up to my beautiful daughter shouting "HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY!"...seeing her tell all of her little friends at school that it was her Mom's birthday today...hearing her say "love you so much and Happy Birthday Mommy!" when I dropped her back off at school after lunch...and all of the hugs, kisses, and love I got from her and my husband today...and all of my friends. They truly made me feel special. The other highlight? Having a birthday dinner of chicken and bacon stuffed pasta, garlic bread with pesto dipping sauce, delicious chocolate yummy cake, and tollhouse brownie ice cream for dessert.....and having Emma's blood sugar be a 7.2 four hours after eating it.....perfect....I couldn't have asked for a better day...even diabetes was my friend today...and I am greatful.