If it all ended today, would you be able to say that you did enough? That you made a difference? Whether it be a global difference...a difference in your own community...or even a difference in your own family? Would you be able to say that you feel like you accomplished all that you hoped to? Would you feel happy with how you lived...how you acted...or maybe more importantly, how you REacted? Would you feel like you did enough?
Or would you have regrets...sadness for moments that you let pass you by...moments that could have made a difference in even the smallest way in someone elses life? Would you find yourself wishing for just one more day...one more hour...one more minute to do that ONE thing...take that one opportunity to make someone smile...to tell them how much they mean to you...to say that you love them?
I find myself getting caught up in the monotony of this life so many times. Not just the monotony of diabetes...blood sugar checks, adjusting insulin ratios and basal rates, searching for patterns in activity or stress related blood sugar numbers, counting carbs. But also the monotony of everyday life...school, teachers, laundry, dishes, groceries, homework, appointments, ignorant people. I find myself getting lost in those tasks and letting opportunities slip by....moments that could have been used to make a difference. Maybe it's because it was Emma's birthday yesterday...or maybe it's because I have been trying to support her latest idea of having a diabetic Barbie or maybe it's just because I'm tired. It has been a zoo in my house and in my life lately with all that is going on. I need to remember to focus on the little moments and not let them pass me by. It's kind of funny how it sort of comes in waves....distractions and monotony....crashing against the shore....and eventually washing away and floating out to the horizon and bringing back in that remembrance of what truly matters. It's a struggle to keep the focus. I wear my life jacket and many times get pulled out with the tide...even pulled down by the undertow. Even though I know in my head that eventually the tide will carry me back in again and give me focus again...help me to remember, it is hard. When I am floating along losing site of the shore, it's hard to convince my heart of what my head is so certain of. So, I simply hold on and hope for the best...let life lead me where it may and hope to make a significant mark in some way by doing some sort of good out there.
I don't want to have regrets or ever feel like I didn't do enough. I would rather fail at every single thing I have tried and at least have the experience...as opposed to reaching the end of my path and realizing that I did absolutely nothing other than just "get by" and survive each day.