Honestly...what is right and what is wrong? There is a plethora (LOVE that word, by the way...one of my all time favorites) of options and choices and decisions and outcomes in this diabetic life. There is nothing black and white...nothing for certain...nothing that you can place your bets on. This is one thing that I have learned in the past 3 1/2 years...how to be ok (or at least accepting of) the fact that no matter how hard I try, no matter how certain I am that things will go a specific way...it's not always the case. I can feed Emma the exact same food at the exact same time every single day for a week....and she will have a different blood sugar 2 hours later every single time. Sure, I have gotten it as close to the same as I could ever possibly get it...but there is still always that curve ball that diabetes throws in there to throw the averages out of whack! Diabetes is an uncertain, sometimes pure fickle bastard, that does what it wants when it wants. We are merely supporting actors along for the ride. No matter how much I try to deny it, no matter how I try to make it not so, no matter how often I put on the confident face and the brave kickin booty attitude....I still know that deep down diabetes is shoving me out of the way and stealing my lines...stealing the spotlight. It is a constant battle...every single second of every single day. I think that is probably one of the biggest things that the majority of people in the world are unaware of. Diabetes isn't just merely a food/exercise related disease. It's not about staying away from sugary foods or taking the stairs to the office instead of the elevator. It's about the fine art of balancing an insane amount of factors for every single decision that we make every day. Blood sugars are affected by things like food, insulin, the weather, mood, stress, activity, illnesses like the common cold, growth spurts, excitement, fear, school, inactivity, changes in the normal daily routine, everything....absolutely everything affects blood sugars. It is up to the parent of a diabetic to learn how to become as good a juggler as possible to keep all of those factors up in the air at the same time and find that rhythm...that sweet spot (no pun intended) where everything is balancing out and flowing smoothly from one hand to the next. It's a lofty goal...certainly unattainable for most, if not all of us. Yet, we keep trying...we keep striving to become better and better at that juggling act...reaching for the stars and seeking that sweet spot...even though we know that diabetes most certainly will never let us find that spot and get comfy there for long. But oh...the satisfaction and the pride we feel while we are lucky enough to be in that spot for the moment we are actually there....it's priceless...it gives us that much more strength and drive to get back there again.
I suppose I don't really have a huge point to this blog post...other than I wanted to put it out there to all of those who might be reading this that are not aware of the amount of factors involved in the management of this disease. It's an extremely difficult task that we endure every day for our kids. We do our best. We get good results...and bad results...and we move on to the next number...the next moment...the next juggling act. It's all we can do...because really at this point, it's all we know.
So, next time you run into a friend that happens to be a parent of a diabetic...try to ignore the dark circles under their eyes from lack of sleep (they've been up all night juggling and trying to find that balance). Give them a hug, tell them that you think they are doing a great job. You will probably see a deep honest gratitude in their eyes. You will probably also see a sparkle in their eyes that is merely a renewed strength they are finding to make it through the rest of their day...a strength found simply because you have shown them they can count on you for encouragement. Karma is a real thing and I know for certain that any D-Mom out there would be the first to show up on your doorstep in your own time of need...because she knows...she cares...she gets it.
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