Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Time means so many different things

Time is the passage of a moment...a mere breath in the busy exhale of a lifetime.
Time means many different things to many different people.
To the mother of a newborn baby it means sweet snuggles and the warmth of this most anticipated addition to your world. The realization that you are now able to hold onto and glance upon this tiny little being that now owns your entire heart. The discovery that it is entirely possible to love someone with such an overwhelming intensity....someone that you have never even met until that moment in time.
To the Grandmother sitting in her rocking chair on the front porch of the house that she made into a home, it means wisdom. Wisdom in knowing that the whole point of it all...the whole reason we are here...the whole meaning of everything is the love we have for each other...our friends, our family, our pets, our community. The realization that it is the little things that matter. The pair of warm cozy slippers that are so worn in they form to the contours of her feet like a glove.  The tea that her husband brings her in the morning sweetened just so...just the way she likes it...just because he loves her and knows that it will make her smile. The ability to look upon her children and grandchildren and know that they are just beginning...and that she has done her best to lead by example and show them what is truly important in this life...and yet knowing that they will make mistakes along the way...they must make mistakes along the way...so they will be able to gain the wisdom themselves.
To the parent of a type 1 diabetic child sitting beside her extra sweet baby in the wee hours of the morning. Time passes so slowly...so gut wrenchingly slow. We watch them sleep...we wait...we hold our breath...we pray...we seek advice...we seek comfort...we hope...we look deep inside our souls and attempt to gather up the necessary strength to make it through this moment in time. We cry. We lose the ever present battle with our emotions and let out a pain filled breath...and the tears fall whether we like it or not...dripping down our cheeks...letting it out because there is no control left...no fight left. Time is a fickle beast for the parent of a type 1 diabetic. Sometimes it feels like a living breathing thing...fighting us for control...forcing itself upon us...springing situations and emotions on us when we aren't prepared. Sometimes it feels like a whirlwind of chaotic moments passing by like a madman stalking about an empty padded room. Sometimes it feels like someone has pressed pause on the remote controlling our lives...allowing us to soak in the moment...burning the image in our minds of our type 1 child smiling...laughing...enjoying all of the typical kid things...dripping melting popsicles on a hot July afternoon...standing there in the swimsuit...the locks of their hair matted and wet...smelling of coconut scented sunscreen. Or rosy cheeked and bundled up with snowsuits, scarves, hats, and mittens...standing atop the tobaggon hill...grasping a steaming cup of hot cocoa...sticking the tip of their tongues in to get a taste of the melted foaming marshmallows on top. Or in the middle of a concert hall beside us...jumping and singing at the top of their lungs along with thousands of other people...enjoying the moment...LIVING in it...keeping it in our hearts and minds forever.
Time is a random, evil, breathtaking, beautiful thing for the parent of a type 1 diabetic. For as many times as it turns out to be my enemy, I have learned to appreciate it. Time began well before I was even in the picture...in the moment...here to enjoy it or despise it.......and time will continue rolling on long long after I am gone. All I can do while I am here is try to make the most of my time...LIVE in my moments, be present in them...and cherish them...good or bad.

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