Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Our surprise road trip to Wisconsin!!
I will always remember this trip for a number of reasons. Obviously the first one would be getting to be together with people that love us. They love us for who we are...unconditionally. They may live in another country from us...but when our hearts beat, they can feel it too. When we struggle they feel it...when we triumph, they feel it too. It had been a year since we were there last and over that year I have talked to my Mom on the phone countless times about how scared I was about the pump, cried to her when Emma was fighting off a tummy bug and her BG's were out of control. I've talked to her in moments of utter panic and despair while going through the frightening times with diabetes. I've spoken to her about how proud I was of Emma and how much she has grown and overcome in spite of living with this disease. I've shared my fears, my joys, my worries, and my love. She has listened to me with patience and love. She has been there for me. I know it can't be easy for her to live so far away from us and have to sit there feeling so helpless when we are in moments of struggle. It must be an unbelievably difficult and overwhelming pain. I love that she is there for me. I love that she is not only my Mom...but she is also my friend. She would do anything for us simply because she loves us. I hope she knows how much we love her. It breaks my heart everytime I leave there though. It feels like someone has punched me and knocked the breath from my lungs when I drive away and see her eyes. I see the tears falling from them, I see the tears falling from Emma's eyes, I feel the tears stinging my own eyes and I have to focus all of my will on breathing...just breathing and controlling it so I don't cry and make either of them more upset than they already are. It's beyond difficult. So instead I sit here now and cry as I type this out. I sit here wondering if her heart hurts as much as mine. I feel like such a horrible daughter for taking Emma away from my parents. I feel like the worst person in the world because I decided to live so far away and now because of that decision...I have made it hard for them to be physically in her life...and that breaks my heart. I feel like the worst Mom ever as well because I am depriving Emma of having them live closer to her and be able to see her all the time. I hate that. My husbands family isn't really around Emma that much...they either don't have the time or don't care to make the effort. I LOVE being back home and getting to see her interact with my family and be around people who actually want to be around her....and then come back here and have her only have Shawn and myself for her family. Don't get me wrong...we have some amazing friends that are just like family....but I would give anything for her to have here what she has there too.
Anyway, enough with the sadness....I also will never forget this trip because I got to spend such amazing quality time with Emma...roughly a total of 20 hours round trip in the car with her...just talking, giggling, singing, carseat dancing, all of our road side stops were pretty hilarious. We pulled off the highway in Lawrence, MI and found the Waffle House of America...went inside and discovered that we happened to find the 5th best bathroom in America 2004....lol...it was so awesome that I took pictures of the toilet...lol...which caused Emma to laugh that special kind of laugh where absolutely no sound comes out. We took pictures of senior citizens on a bus trip because Emma thought is was odd that they were all wearing name tags. We stopped in random little towns and ate lunch and supper feeling like we were in some foreign land because no one knew us and it all looked a little "off" like in that episdoe of Seinfeld about bizarro world. She sang one line from one Stevie Nicks song over and over again for about 5 hours straight...I think I went on autopilot at that point and had a sort of out of body experince while I slipped off the cliff into the canyon of loony town.
It was an amazing trip. Our little moments together and our memories of this past week will stay with us forever. Diabetes didn't win. Diabetes didn't get in the way. It was just a Mommy and her daughter going on a road trip together. We came. We saw. We conquered. We had the best time ever.
Posted by sky0138 at 11:33 PM