First off, I just want to thank two very special people in the DOC that are always supporting me, giving me encouraging words, and making me laugh...Reyna and Denise (Bean's Momma!). You ladies are amazing and I am so thankful that I have gotten the chance to get to know you both through your blogs and all of the wonderful comments you have left me. It means the world to me and I just want you both to know that I think you are incredible women. (btw...I took the advice and re-submitted my book...this time with page numbers...lol...I know I would have kicked myself and regretted it otherwise)
I wanted to write this post also about the power of friendships in general. At the beginning of this process of writing my (totally not a) book, I was overwhelmed...I was scared...I was nervous. I didn't think that anyone would ever want to read it really. I didn't think that I would be able to find the right words to express my feelings and my emotions. I was scared to share my feelings and emotions too. I was afraid that I wouldn't be mentally and emotionally strong enough to force myself to go back to that dark time in our lives. I barely made it through that time by the skin of my teeth in the first place. I didn't really think that going backwards in my mind and my heart would be possible. I wanted to be able to express it all in just the right way....just in case possibly one day...one time...a newly diagnosed Mom would find it and pick it up and read it...and she would be able to relate...she would be able to see that she was not alone...she would be able to find comfort in some small form. I wanted to get it just right...for her...that frightened and worried Mom. I hope that I have done that. I hope that I was able to accomplish that goal I set for myself.
I learned a lot about myself while writing it. I learned that going back to those days in the beginning are never easy...it still hurt..it still stung and made my heart ache for the loss of Emma's functioning pancreas and carefree childhood. It was like tearing a band-aid off of an old wound on my heart. Sure, it wasn't a "new" or "fresh" wound...but it still hurt. My heart will forever be scarred because of diabetes. I learned though that I am capable of making the majority of our days good days...happy days...days where diabetes doesn't rule the world. Yes, it's still always thereand it will still always hurt...but it's not as horrifyingly painful to think about it three years later. Time will never "heal all my wounds" as they say...but it has for the most part numbed the pain from those wounds.
I am stronger because of diabetes. I am stronger IN SPITE of diabetes.
In finishing this process, I have learned that I have some amazingly supportive friends and family. I know that I now feel comfortable calling it "my book" instead of referring to it as my (totally not a) book now. I feel like we have earned it...I have earned it. So, thank you all for being there for me and for being my light in this sometimes dark and scary world of diabetes. I would be lost without you.