So I'm sitting here doing my usual night time routine of playing on facebook and reading up on the blog posts everyone of you haas posted. Even though I am always tired at this time of night...it really is my absolute favorite time of the day. I love reading about what you all are dealing with...the struggles, the joys, the support...it really makes me feel like I belong to something bigger than what goes on my little neck of the woods.
Anyway, as I am sitting here...the TV is playing in the background, the fan in Emma's room is putting out a nice calming humming noise over the monitor, and the rest of the house is silent. Out of no where I hear a beep......followed by another beep.....and yet another beep. My ears perk up trying to figure out where the beeping is coming from. Instantly my heart starts pounding and my stomach begins that uneasy turning thing it does everytime I am in panic mode. I got up from the computer and began searching the room for something that could be causing my distress. I pick up the monitor and hold it directly to my ear, holding my breath, superhero sense of hearing taking over....is the noise coming from Emma's room? Is it her pump alerting me to something? Is she ok? Is the reservoir empty? Is the battery low? I wait...not so patiently...and finally come to the conclusion that it's not Emma or any of her paraphanalia causing the beeps. Huge exhale....relief washes over me...panic dissipates (SP?) I am relieved, however still curious as to the source of the beeping...so I continue about the house and make my way to the kitchen only to discover the actual source of my momentary panic was just my cell phone...it had finished charging. Nice.
I hate how my ears are so tuned in to the random beeps and boops and clicks and clacks that go along with diabetes. Scratch that....I don't hate it...I actually love it...because it helps me manage Emma's health better. I think i just hate that immediately following the random beep...is always the gut wrenching heart stopping panic. Yea...I could live without that feeling for the rest of my life and be just fine.