Sleep is for quitters

Emma woke up this morning feeling better finally, so we decided it was ok to send her off to school. We went about our usual morning routine...breakfast, insulin, etc. I actually made the executive decision in my head to decrease her breakfast dose by a bit since she had been sick and because I would rather be cautious. Diabetes has made me a cautious person really. I never used to be. Anyway, off to school we went. I stood there on the playground watching her from a distance...watching her line up at the door with her friends and walk in when the bell rang. Other parents and grandparents were standing around me chatting away and asking me how Emma was feeling. It was all sort of just like background noise to me...kind of like Charlie Brown's teacher...wah wah wah wah wah wah wah. I stood there nodding my head and smiling...hearing myself say things like, "she's fine now..thanks...yea, it was a stomach bug.." My voice sounded far away to me. I was too focused on watching Emma. Watching her walk into the school...looking at her face for some sign of the illness she had still lingering...searching for some sign of an impending low blood sugar. I know every single freckle, beauty mark, and dimple on that face. I have spent countless hours just staring at her in disbelief that she is actually my baby...she's beautiful to me. Anyway, I was watching her with that feeling in my gut like something was still wrong...but trying to convince myself that it was nothing...I was just being paranoid because she had been so sick. So, I walked away back to the car...feet feeling like lead weights...hoping that I was wrong...she would be ok.
Well, I should have trusted my gut. I should know that by now...but apparantly I am a slow learner in that department. I got a call at morning snack time that she was 2.8 (50 for my American friends). Awesome. To make an incredibly long story short...I picked her up at lunch time and she wound up staying home because we could not get her blood sugar to stay up. She ate around 200 carbs and didn't go above 7.7 all day...I didn't give her any of her rapid insulin at lunch or supper...the only insulin left in her body was the lantus she got at 8:00 that morning. I have never had this happen before. Very scary to say the least. It is terrifying to get to the point where you just hand the sugar bowl and a spoon over to your kid and tell her to dig in...in hopes that going straight to the source and giving her straight sugar will do the trick...screw the middle man otherwise known as juicebox...just give her straight sugar....and see the blood sugar number not go up AT ALL.
This is one of the reasons why I want to get Emma on a pump. Once that lantus is in her....I can't get it back out if there is a problem. With a pump, I can just suspend it. I am actually going to our first pump class tomorrow (today) morning. Actually...I have to be there in 6 hours and 51 minutes.
So, here I sit...under the instructions of the diabetes nurse...to check Emma every two hours to make sure no more lows occur over night. I am going to stay up until 3:00am, check, try to go to bed, get my husband to do the 5:00am check when he gets up, and then I will be up at 7:15am to check again....and do breakfast, get her dressed, give her waaaaay less lantus this time, hopefully send her off to school, and then go straight to the hospital for my 2 hour pump class, pick her up at school right after for lunch, and then who knows what. Who needs sleep anyway?
Sleep is for quitters.