I just got back from a nice afternoon out at the mall with Emma. I'm not and never really have been a huge fan of the whole mall experience. My 7 year old is the complete opposite...she loves it...she could spend all day and night there just wandering around checking things out...smelling candles, looking at sparkly jewelry, looking at books and clothes. Sometimes it feels like she is a 17 year old trapped inside a 7 year olds body. Other times it seems like she's a 47 year old trapped in there instead! She uses words that I have never heard another 7 year old use in coversation. The latest one seems to be "fraternize"....she must have said it at least a dozen times at the mall. Anyway, because I love her more than anything...I decided to suck it up and act like I enjoy the mall. We had a really great time actually! Wandered around Bath and Body Works, smelling all of the yummy lotions and candles. Checked out the book store, window shopped the diamond rings, even stopped in at the pet store and saw some adorable puppies sleeping. Well, we made our way to a really neat store called Green Earth and decided to stop in and check all the cool stuff out. They sell things ranging from Webkinz to gargoyle garden statues to incense and gemstones. Emma of course made a bee-line for the wall of Webkinz. After a few minutes she turned to me with that all to familiar look on her face, hands shaking uncontrollably, and said "Mommy? i think I'm low!" Awesomesauce. So, I sat right down...got the meter out even though I knew she was low...tested her...and while it was counting down to give me the reading, I gave her a juicebox. It was 2.8.....fabulous...so there we sat on the floor in Green Earth...drinking juice with hands that could barely hold the straw to her lips. I thought I should play it safe and give her something else too, so I handed over a fruit snack...opening it for her of course because she had no control over her cursed shaking fingers. I hate diabetes. I hate moments like those. I hate seeing my baby pale and shaking and worried...shoveling food and drink into her mouth as best she can. My own flesh and blood suffering like that...in the middle of a damn store in the mall...people walking all around us...stepping over us to get by so they can see the friggin incense holders on the shelf next to us....those same people not even giving us a second glance...no questions...no concern...not one person asked if everything was ok or if they could help...nothing. Just Emma and I...sitting there...alone in a room full of people...fighting the good fight against the beast that is diabetes. I hate it. I hate how we can be having an absolutely wonderful day together and diabetes just comes out of nowhere and slaps me in the back of the head...just to remind me that it's still there...still lurking in the background...still hovering in the dark dusty corner of the store...just waiting...mouth open and teeth bared...foaming at the mouth...ready to pounce whenever it feels like it...just to make things scary...just to give me a little heart attack...just a little jolt to my system to make me remember that it's still there fighting me! Don't ever forget! I hate it.
So, there I sat....waiting and watching the shakes subside and the color return to her cheeks. I decided right then and there that I wasn't going to let diabetes ruin this day...i wasn't going to let it take away all of the fun we had today...I wasn't going to let it make me mad or cut our fun short. So, we tested again...she was fine...and we stood up and continued shopping. F You Diabetes!!! You tried to win this round of the fight today.....but you LOST!! WE WON!! Valiant effort on your part....but you should know by now...you won't beat me...you won't beat my daughter...we are stronger than you by far...and you are evil. Evil never wins. So, i tip my hat to you for trying....but you might as well give up now.