Do you know what I think is weird? How I really have no experience parenting a child that does not have diabetes. I mean sure...Emma wasnt diagnosed until she was 4, but still. It wasnt enough time...it's never enough time I suppose.
Sometimes I wonder what it's like. I wonder what it would be like to have a child that does not have diabetes. Would life be easier? Sure...most definitely. But would it be....better, somehow? No, I can't say that I think it would be. I wonder what it would be like to have another child...for Emma to have a sibling without diabetes. Would Emma feel different? Would she be different? Right now in her life...she is the only child in the house...the only one with type 1 diabetes. There is not a constant in her face reminder that her childhood is different.
I wonder what it would be like to give someone food without measuring it...without counting the carbs in it. I wonder what it would be like to leave the house.....and just
not make sure I grab the meter and snacks for in case of low blood sugars...and the glucagon kit....and my cell phone...and...and...and....sigh.
I wonder what it would be like to never utter the words bolus or site change or check your finger. I wonder what it would be like to send my kid off to school...or gymnastics...or a birthday party...or a sleepover...and not have to pre-plan everything...and not have to wonder and worry if she is going to have a low blood sugar and die. I wonder what it would be like to go to bed at night and....just...sleep.
Mostly I wonder what it would be like to live free....free from this burden...this inconvenience...this annoyance...this weight upon my shoulders....this pressure...this responsibility to keep her alive every second of every single day...free from this insanity.
I imagine that it would feel light...and airy...and calm.
I imagine that it would feel sweet...ironic choice of words and all...but true, nonetheless.