Tomorrow will mark 5 years that my daughter has lived with diabetes. 5 years worth of needles being jabbed into her fingertips and 5 years worth of me stabbing more needles into her arms, belly, and thighs. 5 years of dealing with low blood sugars and high blood sugars...ketones and carb counting...bloodwork and doctor visits. Tomorrow will mark 5 years of creeping into her room during the night to check her blood sugar. 5 years of never getting a decent nights sleep. 5 years of holding my breath as I stand at her bedroom door in the morning...my hand on the doorknob...silently praying that she will wake up.
Tomorrow will mark 5 years of being my daughter's pancreas. It's not a job I ever wanted. It's not a job I signed up for. It's not an easy job by far.
Tomorrow will mark 5 years of being welcomed into a brand new family with open arms...caring arms...arms that understand every feeling and thought on this journey. 5 years of getting support and giving support. 5 years of falling flat on my face in defeat and knowing that someone is always there to lift me back up...dust me off...hold my hand and dry my tears. 5 years of being loved by some that I have never met in person. 5 years of meeting truly inspiring individuals that motivate me to be the best pancreas I can be.
Tomorrow will mark 5 years of opportunities and experiences that otherwise would have never happened. 5 years of being a part of something bigger than ourselves. 5 years of learning what is really important in life...family...friends...and loving them no matter what.
Our lives changed forever 5 years ago tomorrow and I can honestly say that we are better people for it. I have witnessed incredible beauty and bravery. I have experienced life to the fullest...each and every day. I have seen my daughter overcome and obstacle that was placed in front of her at such a young age. I've seen her flourish. I've seen her find her voice. I've seen her comfort and support other children in this life. She was forced to grow up too quickly and forced to learn about her own mortality far too soon...but she has taken it all in stride. She has never once felt pity for herself and her situation. She has taught me what it means to have hope. She has taught me more in the past 5 years than I have learned in my entire life.
Tomorrow will mark 5 years of living in the same house as my hero.
Diabetes may have invaded our lives, but it will never control our lives. Diabetes will never win. I know this every single time I look in my daughters eyes.
So, while my heart is hurting tonight as I think of the past five years....I know that my heart is strong enough to endure anything. Five years ago diabetes scared the living shit out of me....when I open my eyes tomorrow morning I plan on scaring the living shit out of diabetes.
Here's to the past 5 years. He's to kicking diabetes ass. Here's to loving fully...laughing always...and taking the next step. Here's to living OUR life to the fullest.
Here's to my extra sweet girl.