Monday, October 22, 2012

Mother's Intuition

We've all heard of "Mother's intuition" before, right? Certain random occurances that happen...things that we as Mom's know....things we feel...and there really is no logical explanation as to why they occured. I'm sure many people who haven't experienced this first hand would be skeptical and think that it's a load of malarky. I would have to say that before I became a Mom myself, I would also have fit into that category of skeptics.
In any case, I have now experienced it...I've felt it..I've heard about it and witnessed it first hand since Emma came into my life. I think the strongest moments that this intuition has occured have somehow involved diabetes. For example, last night I was sitting here on the computer...wasting away some time until I did my last blood sugar check for the night and got to lay my weary head down on my pillow and sleep. I still had about an hour or so to go before it was technically "time" to check her. I got this feeling in my stomach that wouldn't go away. It started in my stomach and I tried to ignore it...tried to keep doing what I was doing...wasting time. The tingling sensation started to travel up my chest and flow out my arms all the way to my fingertips. The best way I can describe it is sort of like that feeling you get when you are riding a roller coaster and your arms are high above your head waving like mad in the air...the wind rushing past them...feeling weightless...tingling. I felt like something was wrong...something was off. I felt this sense of urgency start to take over my body which made no sense to me I said, I was simply sitting there on the computer wasting time. I felt like if I didn't get up and move, that something bad would ignoring it would do no good. I stood up and all I could think of was Emma...I know it may seem like Emma is really all that is ever on my mind...but in reality, that's not the case. She is there a lot of the time, but I do have a life outside of Emma land. Anyway, I couldn't stop thinking of her and feeling that panic rise to the surface....that urgent tingling panic. I could feel my heart begin to pound...a cold sweat take over my body...that sick ball of fear growing with each passing second in my stomach. You would think that after nearly 9 years of being a Mom...4 1/2 of them a D-Mom, that I would know instantly what this feeling meant and I would react immediately and listen to my body and do what is needed to be done......but apparently at 12:30am, the ignorant portion of my brain has taken over. I stood there having an inner argument with I check her? do I wait until the "normal" time? what if she's low and I don't check her and something happens? I would never be able to live with myself. what if I am just a lunatic and am imagining this whole feeling? why am I still standing here arguing with myself....just go check her so you will KNOW! Yea, I never claimed to be brilliant at that hour...let alone ANY hour of the day....years of sleep deprivation will do that to you.
So, I grabbed my tools of the trade...blood sugar meter, lancet, flashlight held in my mouth between my clenched teeth...and I went upstairs to her room to check her.
She was low.
Who knows how much further she would have dropped if I had ignored that feeling...that mother's intuition...and just waited that hour to check her at the "normal" time I do every night.
She was low....and I only caught it and was able to save her....because I listened (eventually) to my intuition.
We as Mom's carry our children around inside of ourselves for 9 months....their heart began to beat inside us...that is a miracle in the truest sense of the word. Why would we ever think that a bond like that would or could ever be broken simply because they are now grown and filling their own space in this world? That bond is forever. That intuition is forever. What a beautiful thing.

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