Emma's 4 year anniversary of being diagnosed with diabetes is in a couple of days, but we decided to celebrate her bravery and how far we have come today instead. We started out bright and early and drove to Toronto to take her to the CN Tower. For those of you who do not live in Canada....the CN Tower is one of the world's tallest free standing structures...so it is quite the experience to go to the top! There is a glass floor section as well, so you can stand there right on it and look WAY down below...very cool...and a little scary too. True to form though, we walked right out on it and took some pics. Here is one of Emma and I laying down on it actually
I may or may not have done a little riverdance routine on there as well as some jumping in place as I sang that old classic by Kriss Kross "Jump! Jump!" Maybe....probably not....ok....yes, yes I did all of that!As we walked around outside on the observation deck, Emma decided she wanted a snack...so 1,815ft 5inches in the air or not, she checked her blood sugar. I stood there watching her and couldn't help but laugh at how odd our lives our now that diabetes is in it. There we were on top of the world and without paying for an entry ticket, diabetes was still right there with us. One of my main goals for the day was to make it about Emma...make it about her bravery and her strength. I didn't want it to be a sad day focused on diabetes and the fact that she has had to endure more in her short life than many adults will ever have to. I didn't want to focus on diabetes....I wanted it to be in the background...fading away...ignoring us...letting us be happy. Well, seeing my girl check her blood sugar there today....it made me smile...diabetes doesn't stop her from doing anything...and I will spend the rest of my life (or until a cure is found!) making sure that it will never stop her!
After the CN Tower fun, we did some shopping, had dinner, played at the park, and she even got soaking wet at the splashpad there. I couldn't have hoped for a better day. Diabetes was there....we had a couple of high blood sugar numbers...we had to bolus for food...we had to do all of the usual things that we do every single day.....but it was not important today. Today wasn't about diabetes....it was about Emma.
After Emma watched her bedtime movie, I went upstairs to suprise her with one final thing.....there's a carnival in town and I told her we were going to go...in her jammies...to ride the ferris wheel at night and see all of the pretty carnival ride lights. The look on her face was priceless and i will never forget it. As we ran downstairs to get our shoes on, Emma said to me, "You are the best Mommy ever!" It sort of hit me all at once in that moment.....I had to fight back the tears and swallow that lump in my throat. Luckily she was in front of me and well on her way to her shoes, so she didn't see me...she didn't see the tears...she didn't see that look on my face that I'm sure expressed the feeling I was having...like someone had punched me in the gut and knocked the wind right out of my lungs. I gathered myself and said to her in what I hoped was my most excited and happy voice, "thanks sweetie, but YOU are the best! You are the best for what you do every single day!"
I hope she knows. I hope she knows how special she is and how utterly brave she is. I hope she understands that I am amazed by her. I look at her and am in awe all of the time. I look into her eyes and I see the wisdom...and the old soul shining brightly within her. I see it....and I am in awe. I hope she knows that this day meant the world to me too. I hope she knows that I spent most of the day watching her...soaking in her happiness...enjoying her delight...because that is what matters to me most.
So, while I know that the 26th will probably be one of the hardest and most heart wrenching days of my life as it will signify half of her life lived with this disease......I will take comfort in this day...today....and know that it was perfectly perfect....and I am greatful. This smile says it all!