One day you will find yourself standing at the kitchen sink doing the dishes...and you will realize that you are doing it...you are living this life. Every little nuance...every little detail...it has become second nature to you. The needles, the lows, the carbs....it is just there....part of your life. It's not in the forefront of your mind as much as it was when you were first accosted by this disease. It's not consuming every single thought in your poor tired brain. It is still just as present...and just as THERE...but it's somehow not as prominent...not as heart wrenchingly painful. You are making it work and you have gotten so caught up in the day to day routine, that you have somehow let the last 4 years slip past you like a thief in the night.
I don't know if it's because of the old saying about time healing all wounds. I don't know if it's because of the fact that it is really human nature to find comfort in the routine. I don't know if it's because through the repetitive actions and experiences this life throws at us....we somehow gain confidence. Or maybe we just become jaded to it all. We have seen so many horrible things because of this disease. We have endured such incredible stress and pain because of this disease. So, maybe all of the experiences rolled into one have caused us to build up this shield of protection around us that will save us from the pain. I don't really know.
I don't know what it feels like to be diabetic. I don't know what it feels like to be a Mommy to a kid with a functioning pancreas. It's part of our lives....just a part of who we are...and we have learned how to make it work. So, if you are new to this life and feeling like you will never get there...like the day will never come where your every thought is consumed by this disease. Please read this and know that it will happen....that day will come...I promise you. I have stood where you are standing. I have seen the world through your eyes. I have felt what it feels like to have all of those thoughts crashing around in my head too. I have laid awake at night with tears rolling down my cheeks and landing on my pillow. I have (and still do) held my breath as I open the door to my daughter's room in the morning as I say a silent prayer in my head that she is still alive. I've been where you are. I know your days and I know your nights. I know your life...and I know you.
That day will come...I promise you. Just keep doing what your doing. Keep going. Keep checking. Keep talking. Keep learning. Keep breathing. Keep living. That day will come when you least expect it...I promise.