Thursday, December 6, 2012

I AM doing this

So i've thought about it for what feels like years. I've come up with excuse after excuse to not do it. I am a pretty good arguer too...wait is that a word?...arguer?...whatever, it is now. Anyway, I would convince myself with excuses...there's not enough time, there's too much going on, it's too hard, you don't get enough sleep...wouldnt you rather spend your free time napping? I can't...I'm ok...I'm still young...I don't need to worry about that stuff yet.
Well, 3 days ago....I finally was able to shut up that nagging arguer. I shut her up and I did it. I went out and bought a workout DVD....Jillian Michaels Extreme Shed to be exact.....and I started to work out. I made a promise to myself to do this every weekday. I will give myself weekends off...but every weekday, I will be sweating my booty off and cursing at Jillian through the TV.
I decided that through all of this stress and this insanity that comes with parenting a child with diabetes...I often forget about myself. I forget about making sure I eat right...about making sure I am healthy...hell, sometimes I even forget if I have put deodorant on in the morning! I need to think about me for a change. It's time. How can I expect to be a good pancreas to my daughter, if I am not healhty? How can I expect to be a good Mom to my daughter, if I am not healthy? I can''s impossible. So, I am doing this. I am taking baby steps and trying to think of me. Yes, it hurts...yes I am still hating every minute of the pain and the sweat...yes, i almost cried yesterday when I went to the drive thru bank machine and had to reach out the window to put my card in...because the stretching of my arm hurt so much. But, I am doing this. I am and there is nothing....absolutely nothing that will stop me.
Through my aching muscles, I have learned something. I have learned that I CAN do this...I CAN shut up that nagging voice in my head that has a million excuses not to. I CAN do this and I AM doing this. The reason why?.....BECAUSE I am a D-Mom. I have endured an unbelievable amount of stress and strain and worry and anger and obstacles and ignorance and exhaustion and pain because of diabetes. I have endured it.....

and I'm still here.

I can do this. I will do this. I AM doing this.

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