We had a rough day today. I felt like my voice wasn't heard. I felt like my kid and I didn't matter...like we were just two small people in the world that didn't matter because we were hidden behind a mound of paper and rules and policies. I was hurt. I was angry. I felt sad.
Now that a couple of hours have passed, I can see through the red haze of being upset. I learned a couple of things today. I learned that I am a lot stronger than I thought I was...which is surprising to me...because I have always thought that since diabetes came into our lives, I had become stronger already. I learned that while in the midst of chaos and hurt and people who don't get it...people who don't understand...people who don't care...........there are STILL people that do care. I learned that THOSE people are the ones that matter and THOSE people are the ones that I need to think about. I learned that the faces of those people are what I need to pull up to the front of my mind and my thoughts. I need to focus on them and remember them and know in my heart that they have our best interests in mind....they care about my daughter...they care about us. I learned that the actions of a few do not reflect the actions and purpose of all.
I learned that there is no length that I won't go to when it comes to Emma. I will push and push and push until the results I need...the results SHE needs are reached. I learned that no matter how upset I am and how angry I am...I will keep going. When it comes to Emma I will always keep going....because it's what I do. I am her Mom and it's what I do. I have always liked to think that I would knock down walls, run to the ends of the Earth, fight off any problem that may arise for her. I knew I had it in me....but it was a nice reminder today to actually feel it. To feel that D-Mom fight...that fire in my belly...my emotions threatening to take over....it was a nice reminder even though at the time it hurt.
I learned that the people who care most about us feel the same way. They are in our corner and they are willing to do whatever it takes to fix things. They are there to join their voice with mine when I feel like my voice is falling on deaf ears. That's a comforting thing to know in regular ordinary life....it's all the more magnified when it comes to a life with D.
Today I learned that I do have a voice...and my voice matters...and I can't thank those people who helped me see that enough.