Diabetes is perhaps one of the most misunderstood diseases. People think they know...but they really have no idea. There a lot of things that are in your face and obvious...the blood...the needles...the carbs. There's a lot of things that are sort of silent though. Things that most people wouldn't think twice about.
Have you ever skipped breakfast to stand in solidarity with your child as they prepare to have fasting bloodwork done? I have.
Have you ever been starving and wanted to grab a snack...but you choose not to...you choose to wait because your child's blood sugar is so high that it's unsafe for them to eat something...even though they are starving too...and you don't want to eat in front of them? I have.
Have you ever stood at the kitchen sink and shoved a cookie into your mouth with your back turned to the living room because you don't want your child to see you eating it and ask for one too...because you don't want them to have to endure another injection just to be able to eat it? I have.
Have you ever seen other Moms give their child a bite of their food...or a sip of their drink...without a second thought...and felt a red hot fiery jealousy burn in your chest? I have.
Have you ever sat there eating chips out of the bag with tears in your eyes as you think about the fact that your child can't do that? They can't just mindlessly eat chips out of a bag....or any food out of a bag...they have to count each chip...measure each bit of food and take insulin for it. Have you ever tasted the mixture of your falling tears and chips? I have.
Have you ever stared at your own hands and marvelled at the fact that the finger tips are unmarked...they aren't covered in thousands of tiny black holes...calloused over from countless needles being jabbed into them? I have.
Have you ever thought about where your child will put their insulin pump when they wear their first prom dress? I have.
Have you ever thought about where they will put their pump when they wear their wedding dress? I have.
Diabetes can be loud at times. It can be in your face...meters screaming ugly numbers at you...mocking you. It can be a mess...a complete and total mess. Other times though, diabetes can be quiet....it can be so quiet that no one else even knows it's there. No one but you notices the fact that your stomach is growling. No one notices the bag of chips. No one notices the fact that your child is counting each one they put in their mouth. No one notices the frustration in their eyes and the anger at having to wait to eat.
There's a lot of judgement that goes along with diabetes. Judgement from the ignorant...which I can't really get upset about because before diabetes entered our lives, I was ignorant too. There's also judgement from those that do live this life too...which is bizarre to me. I don't do it right...I don't follow the same rules as them...I post too much about it...diabetes is every day, not just during the month of November...no one really hears my attempts to educate except for those that live this life too, so what's the point. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion. Everyone has the right to speak their mind. I get it. I really do.
This life is not easy. But for me....being silent...going about my day without even trying to make a difference...well, it's just not an option. To each his own. However we individually choose to live this life is right. There is no wrong way of doing it. Just live it and find a way to love what you do.