I think generally people just want to be understood. We have this need to feel like we make sense and like people get us. Being the parent of a child with diabetes is not easy. There are days where I feel like I want to throw in the towel. There are days where I feel like I just want to be quiet...because there's too much noise in the world...too much chaos...just too much.
I think being quiet gets a bad rap sometimes. People think you are sad or angry or struggling when you're quiet. When sometimes, I just want to lay down on my worn in green couch with a tear in the cushion that keeps ripping and getting bigger....lay my head down on the pillow...and be quiet. Sometimes I just want to lay there and stare at the ceiling and pet my cat and feel her purring vibrating through the palm of my hand...rhythmic and soothing.
Sometimes I talk to God. I am the furthest thing from being a good or dedicated religious woman....but I'm trying. I think I do it because it brings me peace. It makes my head and my heart feel better.
It kind of reminds me of when I was in kindergarten and we had a certain time every day where the teacher had us all just lay our heads down and be quiet. She turned the lights off...and we all were as still as possible. It wasnt for very long...and I'm sure it wasnt always successfully silent...but it was nice. I remember laying there staring up at the ceiling and listening to the sound of my own heart beating....my breath in and out...my thoughts calm and peaceful.
Sometimes on really tiring and frustrating days now...all these years later...I just sit there and close my eyes...and picture that little classroom. Its nice.
When my heart is calm again, I open my eyes and begin again.
I think it's important to find the quiet every now and again. It's important to turn it all off and listen to the silence. Don't feel bad or guilty for taking that moment to yourself. It's ok. I understand. I get you. I hear how loud your life is too...because it's the same sound as mine. Embrace the quiet sometimes...it helps.