Sunday, October 20, 2013


It's kind of funny how diabetes has a way of jumping right in the middle of your day and reminding you very quickly that your life is not typical. I wake up in the morning and go about my day like every other Mom out there...making breakfasts, getting the kids off to school, doing the laundry, the dishes, running errands, stopping at the store to pick up a couple of things. I don't wake up in the morning with the thought of...I wonder when diabetes is going to make an appearance and throw me for a loop. I don't wait in anticipation of the highs or the lows. I just go about my day...checking blood sugars, counting carbs, bolusing, as well as all of the other typical Mom things. So, when diabetes decides to barge right in and toss a high or a low in startles me sometimes. It is like a slap in the face reminder if I could ever truly forget.

Last night, Emma and I ran out to Walmart to pick up a few things...just like we have a million times before. We were chatting away and laughing hysterically at all of the different Halloween costumes they had for pets. Each time one of us would pull out another costume and hold it up to show the other one, we'd both burst out into uncontrollable giggles. There was everything from Frankenstein...each one more adorable and hilarious than the next. I noticed Emma was laughing a little harder than normal...a little more deliriously than normal...I couldn't quite put my finger on it...but it sort of was like we were stuck in this bubble full of laughing gas from the dentist...everything was funny...everything was fast and extreme and loud...everything going on around us seemed in slow motion and the lights were a little too bright that they seemed to cast a dark shadow under Emma's eyes...and make her look very pale...scary pale...and I snapped out of it...diabetes slapped me in the face.

...she was low....scary low...

I picked up her giggling shaking body and put her in the shopping cart. Tears of laughter still shining on our cheeks. I asked her if she felt low...just like I have a million times before. I saw diabetes slap her in the face in that hit her...she finally felt the low...the laughter stopped...the humor gone from the situation. I checked her blood sugar and she was 2.8...and she still had 2 units of insulin running through her body from dinner. I handed her a fruit snack and she started shoving them into her mouth with shaking hands. I quickly pushed the cart over to the food aisle and grabbed a soda off the shelf and gave it to her. I grabbed a bag of peach gummy candies off the shelf and stood there trying to open them. My eyes never left my girl. I asked her if she felt like her blood sugar was coming back up. I don't know why I ask her that...but I do everytime...I think it's because I want to hear her say yes...I want her to tell me that she's ok...I want to hear from her that we made it through this low too. She told me she was ok...but that she hates when she is low in public because it feels like everyone is looking at her...and it bothers makes her feel self-conscious.

I have hypoglycemia....have had it for years actually...and it sort of hit me all at once when she said that...she's right...she's exactly does feel like the spotlight is on you and everyone around you is staring at you...judging you...thinking you are weird...thinking that you look funny and something is wrong with you. It's an odd feeling. I hate that feeling. I glanced around and no one was looking at her. No one was staring. No one had any idea that we were in the midst of a dangerous situation. They just kept moving along down the aisles...talking about sales on beef and how they needed to remember to grab a roll of paper towels.

I told Emma that no one was's just the low playing tricks on her. I think it comforts her to know that I get what that feels like and I have felt it before many times.

Diabetes invades your life at diagnosis. It sneaks in like a thief in the night. You're naive...unaware...still peacefully living your when diabetes feels like your reality has been ripped violently away from your spirit. Those wounds never heal completely...time forms a scar for you to be able to carry on though.

As you continue on with your new life, diabetes will barge right in and disrupt your new will knock you back on your heels and sometimes even send you to the ground...flat on your face. It's what you choose to do from that moment on that really matters. I hated yesterday's low...I hated today's two lows. They all disrupted our life for a brief moment....but only a moment. Our eyes become clearer again eventually...and we keep walking down the aisle too..talking about sales on beef...and remembering to grab a roll of paper towels...

...and how freakin adorable Daisy the cat is going to look in her new Frankenkitty Halloween costume...

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