So this morning was a hard one. The perfect storm of circumstances occurred and it all resulted in my kid being low and scared. I don't really want to go into detail about it because that's not the point I'm trying to make with this post.
The point I'm trying to make is this....there seems to be a fine line I walk with this disease. I want people to get it. I want them to understand. I want them to treat it the same way and with the same amount of passion that I do. I want it to mean the same thing to them that it does to me even though I know in my head that it never could unless it actually DID happen to them too. People are strange like that...until something affects us personally...many of us tend to glaze over and just not put too much thought or feeling into it. I want them to take it seriously. I want them to really see just how quickly things can turn south. I want them to see that it's really not all about food and sugar and exercise. I want them to understand...truly understand...just how fine of a balance it is to keep things in range and healthy. I want them to see it for what it is and realize that my daughter is only 9...still a kid...JUST a kid. She's not an adult. She is completely capable and intelligent and knows more than most, how to take care of her diabetes.....BUT she's still just a kid. I want them to see that this isn't a short term thing. This isn't some illness that will go away. I want them to stop thinking for a minute and let it sink in.....
...she will have this for the rest of her life...her entire life....24 hours a day...7 days a week...365days a year....
I want them to let that sink in and respect that fact. I want them to understand that while yes, she's been doing this since she was 4 years old....her diabetes is not "in control" or "getting easier" or "becoming normal". I want them to see that the fact of the matter is....she has been doing this for more than half her life now...and she IS pretty amazing at it....but she's still JUST a kid.
Yet, on the other side of that line I walk.....I want them to see that we can do this...we can thrive...we can rock this life...busted pancreas and all. I don't want sympathy. I don't want pity. I don't want people to feel bad for forgetting to help her. I don't want people to feel bad in general. I just want them to accept it for it it is...learn...and move on. I work my ass off to make this life easy...and make it look easy...because I want others to see that diabetes will not stop you from living your life to the fullest and achieving your dreams. I want to make it look easy even though I know that simple fact carries a negative impact as well...it perpetuates the myth that this disease is easy to manage...it stops people from truly seeing just how hard it is.
I walk this line every single day with my daughter. Sometimes we teeter over to one side....sometimes we fall off that line all together...sometimes the line disappears completely from the horizon ahead. Regardless, we continue to walk it together. I don't have all the answers. I don't know the outcome. I don't know how we "do it"....we just keep doing it...because we don't have a choice...we were never given a choice.
That's the lovely/awful thing about this disease. It just happened....we didn't ask for it. It broke my heart years ago to have that ripped away from us....BUT the fact that we never had a choice in the matter has proven to me just how strong we are. It's the perfect example of a bittersweet symphony.