Sticking a needle in your child's body multiple times a day to keep them alive is hard. Watching them stick the needle into themselves is even harder.
Trusting someone else to do as good of a job as you when it comes to taking care of your child is hard. Trusting your child....who is still JUST a child....to do what it takes to keep themselves alive is even harder.
Learning how to be ok with making mistakes is hard. Accepting the fact that your child will never learn unless they make mistakes too, is even harder.
Not feeling guilty when you make mistakes is hard. Sitting back and watching your child make a mistake without hovering and stepping in and controlling the situation yourself, is even harder.
Gaining confidence in your abilities to be your child's pancreas is hard. Seeing your child have confidence in themselves and their own abilities to manage things is...........
Taking control of your lives with diabetes is hard. Letting go is even harder.
Keeping them warm and safe and in your sole and constant care is hard. Giving them a little nudge out of the nest when the time is right, is even harder.
Emma just dealt with her first low blood sugar of the school year this morning. She called me...she had support from the school...from me...she handled it. She told me what her plan was and I offered some advice...and she handled it. I couldn't ignore that sick feeling in my gut when I saw her schools number on the caller ID. I couldn't ignore that old familiar need to tell her I would be right there...I would help her...I would fix it. The feelings never go away...I will always want to shelter her and protect her and do it for her. But I can't. I know that. I know that she needs to begin to do things on her own. She needs to do it so she can have the experience and the confidence...because one day...whether I like it or not....she will be the one doing it all the time...every day....just her. I want to set her up for victory...not defeat....and in my mind, the pathway to victory is lined with hills and valleys and potholes and mud pits. All of these obstacles are there to help us learn so that we can reach that finish line with our heads held high in victory.
Diabetes is hard......but not hard enough to stop us.