Life with diabetes is sort of like sailing. Some days the waters are smooth and crystal clear...the sun shines and twinkles out to the horizon. Some days the waters are choppy and the waves crash all around you making you feel seasick and dizzy and lost and like you will never find your way out again. Life has it's ebbs and flows like anything really.
I think if there's anything I have learned so far in this life as we are making our way into our sixth year of diabetes, it's that at some point you have to let go. You have to reach a certain point in this journey where you need to nudge your child out of the nest and watch them learn to fly on their own. You have to trust that you have given them the skills they will need...that you have imparted all your wisdom onto them...that you have prepared them as much as you possibly could....and simply just give them the chance. You see, WE as parents didn't get the chance...we didn't have anyone teaching us little bits at a time of how to do this...this life was thrust upon us and we learned as we went along. We hit the ground running and we made mistakes....lots of them. The good thing about where we are at now is that I have a few years experience under my belt. I've learned a lot...I still don't know everything and I probably never will honestly...but I've spent the last 5 plus years taking each hit as it came and struggling and fighting and crying and cheering and worrying and sharing it all with my daughter every step of the way. Even when I thought she wasn't paying attention....she was. Of course she was! It's her body and her disease after all.
She is 9 years old and I am letting her take the reigns more and more often these days. I'm giving her the chance to do it...the chance to try...the chance and the opportunity to use the skills that I have taught her. Yes, she will make mistakes. Yes, she will have victories. She will do her best though...and really that's all I could ever hope for.
I've taught her that this life is not about the numbers. It's not about the checks and the blood and the bolusing and the carbs. Is not about dwelling on a bad number or feeling guilty. It's not about depriving yourself of things. It's not about any of those things. I've reiterated to her over the years that this life is about living. It's about finding yourself and realizing....TRULY realizing that she is not "Emma with diabetes"....she is EMMA. I've taught her that anything is possible and there is nothing in this life that can't be conquered. Diabetes does not define her...and it will never stop her.
So, as I sit back and just observe for the first time in my life as a D-Mom, I can't help but smile as I see her using the skills I've taught her and not just "getting by" or "making do"......but rather kicking butt and taking control and LIVING her life.