As I sit here at 2:30am for the 6th night in a row trying to get Emma's blood sugars to come down, I can't help but think about how amazing she is. She had a stomach virus for two days....returned to school...came home with a cold that day...been battling high blood sugars ever since....and all the while she smiles. She hasn't complained once from the extra finger pokes or the extra boluses or the times I've made her wait to eat because I wanted to give the insulin a chance to begin working to help bring her numbers down. She hasn't complained once over the extra water I've made her drink to try and help things come down...or the horrid feeling she must be experiencing inside with the highs. She hasn't cried...she hasn't felt sorry for herself....she hasn't questioned anything or gotten angry at the hand she was dealt. She hasn't expressed pity or frustration or sadness.
She just smiles.
She laughs and jokes around. She hugs me. She is patient. She is tolerant. She is easy going and forgiving and loving and strong.
Because of her strength and her spirit, I sit here in the wee hours of the morning...tired...but not frustrated. I feel powerful because of her. I feel lucky because of her. I feel loved because of her. I see the way she looks at me and the feeling that fills my heart is peace. She gives me peace. She gives me hope.
It's incredible to me how someone that can put up with a disease like this day in and day out can still manage to smile and take it all in stride. I have learned so much from her over the years....but perhaps the most important thing of all....is perspective.
Diabetes is all about perspective. Life is all about perspective. If I choose to focus on the bad and the highs and the lack of sleep and the aching tiredness that envelops my entire body....I will not gain anything except for a black cloud hanging above my head...one that pushes me further down into the sadness and the frustration. If I choose to focus on the fact that I still have the opportunity to see her beautiful smile every single day.....and feel her love...and laugh that special kind of laugh that comes straight from my gut whenever I spend time with her, then I will gain everything. I will gain a lightness....a peace...a confidence in my love as a Mom.
So, I sit here in the wee hours of just another Monday morning in my life.....greatful.