Monday, November 12, 2012

I choose healthy and loud

I love my kid.....I really do. I love her more than hearts and stars and I have the tattoo on my leg to prove it. In 3 yr old Emma speak....loving someone more than hearts and stars is about as good as it gets.

I do have to admit though, that sometimes the non-stop questions and the non-stop talking and the non-stop energy that pours from her can get a little tiring. Maybe I just need a nap. Maybe I just need to not have to fight diabetes every single night to make sure she can sleep at night and wake up alive in the morning. Maybe I just need to buy some ear plugs.

I kid, of course......kinda. Some days her non-stop talking and questions makes me feel like I am a character on the Peanuts...sitting in the classroom right alongside Charlie Brown and his buddy Linus....listening to the droning of the teacher. Some days I hear that buzzing drone and i know she is talking to me and I know I should be paying attention because there is bound to be a question coming soon and I had better know what the back story is on this conversation before the question happens and I find myself stumbling for an answer...or giving a lame "uh-huh" reply to her. I know I should be paying attention for the simple fact alone that she is my kid and I should be the person she can count on to pay attention to what she is saying all the time. But, man.......sometimes I just can't. Sometimes I find myself drifting off to that classroom with Charlie Brown and hearing the droning buzz and just waiting for nap time. Being 8 years old is tough. I get that. I know that. I lived it and I remember it. I know there are a lot of questions running through your mind every single second of every single day. I know your mind is like a little sponge and you want to learn it all, say it all, do it all, and tell us all about it afterwards. It's all good really is. But sometimes my poor mushy tired D-Momma brain just can't absorb any more words. Sometimes I can't find the right words myself to teach you what a pronoun is and the names of all 50 states and explain to you how come Eve ate the apple in the Garden of Eden and why condensation happens on the bathroom mirror and why Daylight Savings time has to happen and how to spell congeniality and tell you how exactly all of that information is stored on the internet and how come we can type in whatever we want and an answer pops up so quickly and why it's easier to do a front handspring if you take a running start because of the forward motion and why water spreads to the edges of the glass and away from the middle when you swirl it because of centrifugal force and how to spell centrifugal force and who the first person ever to make a movie was and how long the longest movie is and how come airplanes can fly even though they are so heavy and how heavy ARE airplanes actually.....and....and....and.......ahhhh I'm tired.

Then I have moments like last Friday when you had strep throat.....and you were quiet. You were quiet because you were sick. You didn't have any questions. You didn't have anything to chatter on about. You didn't do cartwheels in the living room or headstands on the couch. You were quiet.

and I missed it.

I missed the noise. I missed the movement. I missed the loudness.

I missed it because it is you....and I love you more than hearts and stars.

It made me realize how greatful I really am for the noise.....because the noise means that you are not ill. The noise, the chatter, the cartwheels, and the questions mean that you are healthy.........and I will choose healthy and loud anyday.


  1. ...I so love the questions....the headstands...the cartwheels... and i will add the quiet head tucked in a book... <3

  2. Lovely!
    Yes, the questions can get tiresome but I have to remind myself that there might come a day when those questions aren't asked of me and I will miss being the one she comes to. I have to keep myself from shushing her too often because my brain just can't handle one more thing.
    Thank you for reminding me to remind myself!!

    ...more than hearts and it!!

  3. Yes, I can relate with my 6 year old, but agree it means they are healthy and happy and full of life! Hope she is feeling better....strep and T1D are no fun at all.