So, I was talking with some friends tonight about how cool it would be to have all of us D-Mom's living on the same street. I think one of my friends called it "Diabetes Sucks Lane." It was all said in a joking manner, but it really got me thinking...how cool would that be? There would be no worries about sending your T1 kiddo out to play...no stressing out over sleepovers...you could be absolutely confident that any and all food or snacks given out at playdates would be carb counted and bolused or injected for correctly. Ahhh...it would be amazing. It brings a smile and a sigh of relieving comfort to me just to think about it!
I get this same feeling whenever we are gathered at JDRF events or playgroups. The thought that runs through my head of the comfort I feel in knowing that if something were to go wrong with Emma or her pump, there would definitely be someone there to help. It's an indescribable feeling really. I suppose it must kind of be like what other Mom's feel when they send their kids places on a regular basis. There is no extra worry...no added fear...no stress bonus...leaving them at the door and from the moment they are out of your sight, your thoughts are always distracted...part of you still is with them. I don't really know how that feels to be honest. Yes, I do get snippets of that comfort and ease every now and again at the events I was talking about....but they are most definitely not on a daily basis. I wonder what it feels like to have that free feeling every day. It is so weird to me that I don't know what that is like. Sometimes I still feel like this is all a dream. I know it's been years now, and I shouldn't really feel that way anymore....but I do once and awhile. Sometimes I think I get so caught up in that day to day redundant pre-planning and monotony...that I forget that this isn't what the majority of the parents I know do. Most of my friends do not check their child's blood sugar first thing in the morning. Most of my friends couldn't tell you the carb count in a Happy Meal or a Emma-sized plateful of spaghetti if they tried. Most of my friends don't jab their kids with needles on a daily basis. Most of my friends would cringe at the thought of squeezing blood from their kids fingertips multiple times a day...every day. Hell, I'm sure I would be the same way too! I don't fault my non-D friends for that. Yes, I am jealous of it and jealous of their freedom from things like this......but I most definitely do no fault them for it.
So, when my D-Mom friends were talking about Diabetes Sucks Lane....it made me laugh...and then it sort of made me long for that version of our reality. It made me wish for that life. I got this sudden visual in my mind of a sunny street (for some reason resembling Wisteria Lane...a la Desperate Housewives...lol) on a warm summer afternoon. Sitting on my porch drinking a coffee and chatting with another D-Mom...watching our kids run up and down the street from house to house playing with all of the neighbourhood kids. We all had smiles on our faces. We all laughed. A warm breeze blew through the tree in the front yard and the kids were all together. I looked across the street and saw a D-Dad mowing his front lawn. Next door to him I saw a few D-siblings playing hopscotch on the sidewalk. Other people in our D-community were out walking their dogs...tails swishing back and forth...barking at all of the squealing kids as the walked by. I saw the sun setting and one of the D-houses had everyone over for a BBQ and a campfire...complete with S'mores for the kids and drinks for the adults. We all laughed and talked together...the night sky full of stars...blanketing us from the outside world. I saw BG meters being pulled out at random throughout the day...boluses given, pumps returned to pouches, juice boxes drank, and time outs for lows. I saw diabetes presence in this neighbourhood. It was there...just like it's here now...but it was different there. It was not stared at there...not judged there...not unusual there...not a source of panic and stress there....it didn't leave you with a feeling of being alone.
Diabetes Sucks Lane was nice. It was more than nice actually...it was peaceful and beautiful. I think I will store that vision away in my mind for the hard days with this disease. I will store it away in a safe place and pull it out when I need it. I will visit that street again in my mind when I am feeling like I just can't handle it anymore....and I know it will bring a smile and a calmness to my heart every time.