Monday, August 19, 2013

Living in the Deep End

Do you want to know what I think the whole point of this all is? I think that we were handed this diabetes card in our lives because we were meant to live deeper. I know what you're deeper? What the heck does that mean, Amy? Well, let me break it down for ya.

I don't think we were "chosen" so to speak. I think it was just our destiny. I think we were handed this card for a live deeper. We were meant to feel things differently than others...see things, laugh, and love deeper than what we would have otherwise done. No matter how hard we try to explain it to others who don't live this particular life, it will never truly make sense...we will never find the right exact words to make them understand what it's like. The only thing I can think of to compare it to is how different I was before I became a Mom. I was always told by my own mom and other friends who were already parents that it's an indescribable feeling to become a parent. Up until that point, I spent my life caring about myself and usually putting my own thoughts and feelings first. Well, once I held Emma in my arms for the first time....I changed. From that day forward I began to live my life for her. I put her first...her feelings...her thoughts...her all has become more important to me than anything else on this Earth.

I think this was our destiny because we are meant to share these deep feelings with each other and create these bonds that would have otherwise not been formed. I think we are meant to try to show the rest of the world that true strength and love and purpose comes from living in the moment and not just enduring the journey or making it through the day...but rather savouring every last second that we are given together.

I think the needles and the highs and the lows and the carbs and the chaos of the monotony is a fact of our lives that we have to learn to accept and still find a way to connect deeper and share what we know. Share how living in the deep end of the pool is frightening...and extreme...and difficult...and sometimes it makes us feel like we are sinking and flailing our arms as we gasp for another breath. But also share how living in the deep end is freeing and sometimes it makes us feel like we could swim for miles and how we feel strong and connected to our bodies and the waters around us....we are in sync with each breath we take and each beat of our heart makes us realize that it's ok to float along holding hands with those around us...those we love...those we would jump in to save without a second thought.

Diabetes makes us feel deeper...and live deeper.

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